Used to...

I have quite a few "used to do's" in my life now. I've made the choice to really focus on competitive shooting but some other stuff has just naturally fallen by the way side. I feel this acutely when I look at pictures from around college until now.

I used to do quite often, enjoyed and was reasonably proficient at:
-rock climbing (have enough stuff to still boulder)
-mountain biking (still have an xc bike)
-trail running (still got shoes)
-world traveling (still have a valid passport)
-jiu jitsu (which I tried to go back to but didn't really feel the spark strong enough to overcome a 1 hour drive each way)
-learning another language language (haven't done a thing with this since my semester in Spain over a year ago)

I'm just not sure I'm balanced enough to pursue multiple activities at a time. Or I'm kinda tired of doing most of these things alone. I like shooting, I like practice, I like traveling to matches but I miss some two wheeled adventures, I miss being outside in a different way, I miss being outside of the US.

Yes, it was my choice to move to rural Arkansas and this effects all of my goals and such in life. I accept that. What's hard to accept is that it's really on me, my desire. I have time, I just need more "want".......

I don't think children ever really know or understand their parents.

Talking on the phone to customer service will be looked on in the future as one of the low points in our age. The way we look back on cities that had open sewers.

Sound of Silence

I know I'm getting down to writing about twice a month and normally some sort of vague, cryptic response to something I read elsewhere. But I am gone for the next 9 days for filming of the TV show I'm going to be on.

So no texts, no FB, no email, no IG, no nothing electronic at all. Get back at ya the 15th!

Balance

There is supposed to be inequality in life. There has to be winners and losers. Rich and poor. Fat and skinny. Sick and healthy. Smart and dumb.

Without both there is no balance. So if you really want things to be even, embrace that they then can't all be the same.

Things I want to accomplish before waking up Monday morning:
-get my new perscription
-detail strip and clean pistol
-get oil change in truck
-drive truck through car wash
-load 1k of 9mm practice rounds
-send out my emails for church stuff
-make shooting boxes for home practice
-mail off packages to kids
-deal with auto pay issues from debit card fraud cancellation
-shoot a match
-go on a motorcycle ride
-mow yard

Sometimes I hate this world soo much if I had a doomsday device I would push the button instantly.

Freedom and Democracy

One of the definitions I like for determining if you live in a free democracy is if you have the freedoms to worship how you please openly, make fun of the government and peacefully protest what you feel is unjust behavior.

I think living in the US provides you with these freedoms. I don't think, I know.

So if Mr NFL QB wants to sit through the national anthem it isn't a sign of what's wrong with the US it's a measure of what's right. A place less free wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior. Can you imagine a Soviet era athlete doing this? Or a Chinese one today?

While I don't agree with his sentiment, I defend a person's right to lawfully and peacefully express themselves because I know it shows we still have more freedom than most.

Careful careful

Sometimes I wonder what the next tragedy in my life will be. And how soon will it be appearing.

And then wonder what's wrong that it hasn't happened.

Yes!

Yes, finally interviewed a good housekeeper and for close to San Diego prices. I paid $80 to $100 per visit in SD for a whole house cleaning and she came every two weeks. Same housekeeper, she just raised her rates when she moved from TJ to SD.

I'd been talking to neighbors who were paying $300-400 per cleaning visit here in Little Rock. That's crazy!

Martha came by today to meet and do an estimate and she came in at $120 a visit and was happy with the cleaning supplies I currently have on hand. I felt good, she answered all my questions and she's going to do essentially the same services as Oliva did.

Win Win!! Or is that Gana Gana? My Espanol has gone to caca.

Death first

It's hyperbole but I'd rather die than:
-pay reparations for slavery
-pay more income tax to fund "free higher education"
-have a self driving car
-live in a surveillance state (too late I think)
-surrender any gun I own

A list of things for men to do.......

I just read an article linked on facebook (purposely written lowercase) about 20 things men today should not be doing. A list of twenty things starting with "don't" or "stop". Which to me is kinda negative and I'd rather see a list of 20 things to do instead. Taking their article and rewriting it to be in a positive voice, here is there advice (not that I agree with all of it, but still the same):

1. Take pictures of things other than yourself.

2. Work for the things you want.

3. The only person you have to be better than in life is the person you were yesterday.

4. Have sex with real women. (hard to reword as their advice was 'stop watching porn')

5. Read books.

6. Do what you can to make things better rather than complain about them.

7. Being clean and hygienic is more important than being well dressed.

8. Stand up for what is right. There is right and wrong and fight for right and for those who can't fight for themselves.

9. Choose to no longer let fear be a motivator for you.

10. Admit there are things you don't know or understand.

11. Accept responsibility for your own actions and their outcomes.

12. Take 'a job', not 'the perfect job'.

13. Smile, be kind.

14. Kindness is real strength. Have the strength to be kind.

15. Strength is for lifting, not for putting down.

16. Wake up early.

17. Actions are better than plans.

18. Endure your trials.

19. Choose to reactive with a positive voice when asked about yourself, life, work or others.

20. Spend money on experiences and other people rather than physical things.

Bonus 21. Talk about ideas, concepts. Not other people.

The four most important summers of my life.

Not in any order of importance:

1. 2015 in Spain. It's recent enough and powerful enough I can still smell, feel, hear just everything. My room, my classroom, my hall, the people, the food, the heat, the metro, the trips, the city, the mountains, the bulls. Just all of it. Oh how I wish it had been a true semester length class. I was a 40-something fake community college student surrounded by 20 somethings and it still worked out. Spain, and specifically the stuff related to my semester abroad are buried deep in me. I get lost when I look at my pics and totally transported back in place and time. I'd never loved a "place" as an adult until then. Wow.

2. 2007 in Iraq. A civilian in a war zone, working for cash. April, May, June. I was supposed to be there a year but Crohns, dysentery and disillusionment all brought me back home. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for this experience and there is quite a bit I'd trade to do it again. I went all over the country, usually on my own, and got to do and see more than most people. It helped me transition to different work for a while stateside. A chance I had to take and I grabbed it and went for it!

3. 2001 in Arizona. I had just graduated from college. I was divorced. I had no job. My degree took me to finish an externship at a hospital in Yuma AZ. Moving from the Cascade mountains and small towns of my young adulthood to the dirt and desert of southern Arizona. To have my first real adult job. To live in the very first town that didn't have family in it. To never be able to visit my kids from first marriage as they lived too far away and I worked constantly at the hospital for free. But I was learning how to do my job. How to live on my own. How to be "me".

4. 1990 in Oregon. I was running away from real life. I just graduated high school. I didn't get into college. I wasn't going on a church mission. I was in a relationship I loved and feared at the same time. I moved to Oregon to live with my grandma from where I had been in Washington. I had no car, just a motorcycle. I just was clueless about life and really about myself. I was gone just for like July, August, Sept. I moved back in October and was married in December. I should have done soooooo many different things that summer but fear and doubt ruled me. Sad.

Seguro

Sitting in the movies last week and the exit door pops open a crack. I'm instantly nervous and hyper aware. A majority of movie theater shooting the person came in through the exit.

As I'm scanning and prepping and cursing the fact I don't have my AR ccw yet I decide to act.

I get up, approach the door obliquely, I do a quick peek, I open the door hard and fast ready to pounce. No one is there, no equipment was staged. So I close the door hard and listen for a few seconds, look over at the other door. Nothing.

As I sit down a few people clap and one woman says thank you.

I wish more people would pay attention to their surroundings and then act on what needs to be acted upon. Have courage! Overcome your fears.

btw I was nervous and the fight or flight deal was surely kicking in. But if it was the 1/1,000,000 chance it was going to be an active shooter I didn't want to be sitting there!

Happiness

Now this ranks pretty high up on the things that make my smiley and happy list.

Happiness

Now this ranks pretty high up on the things that make my smiley and happy list.

Not Sorry

I am not going to apologize ever again for:

-having free time to practice greater than most
-having some of my match fees paid for, including travel, food and lodging
-having an athlete fb page
-practicing while most people are at their 9-5 job
-doing more live fire than dry fire
-promoting myself all over
-being on a shooting reality tv show

Life's not fair, the end.

The struggle

I'm having a real struggle not developing a strong dislike towards most of the people I'm competing against in shooting. It's like it is easier for me to be motivated when I'm angry and dislike people.

The nice side of doesn't think this is right and fights against it. So I feel unbalanced in my emotions and motivations right now.

Both Feet

Yep, developing plantar fasciitis in both feet.

My favorite 4ths

#1. Any Fourth spent in Klamath Falls where I got be off work,watch a parade, be with extended family, swim in Granny's pool, eat food off the grill, shoot guns, shoot off my own fireworks and see fireworks. Thankfully I've had more than one very such day with all of those, either visiting as a child or later living there as an adult. Can't be topped!

#2. Landing in San Diego on the 4th of July, 2007 after my time in Iraq. Can you imagine, your first day back home after being in a war in a foreign country is the 4th of July? That was special.

#3. Spending the Fourth in a different country, Spain. Seeing K in his all red, white and blue mish mash of Apollo Creed and Uncle Sam. Eating hamburgers at the Hard Rock Cafe. Swimming in the pool. But mostly just having this reflective, internal, peaceful day of realizing the benefits of our independence.

#4. The future ones I might yet spend with kids, family and friends.

FB

I need to stop going to facebook for the next month. Every morning it wants to share a memory from last year when I did my semester abroad in Spain. I miss it soo much, seeing the pictures just make me sad.

The Zone

No, not the diet from the 90s I tried for a bit. (it wasn't too bad, more meat and veggies, less carbs) I mean the feeling or mental place you get when you're performing subconsciously at your best.

I used to hit this feeling once a month. Now I'm getting it almost once a practice session. What's change?

Learning how to visualize. Positive self talk. My routine. And just more time behind the gun.

But I can feel it now, where things are just happening and it feels slowed down and yet it will be my best and fastest time of the day.

Getting closer!

PD

-Vanessa and Ethan should have formed a power team and fought Dracula. Dracula battles a witch and a werewolf to the "death". That would have been awesome. Dracula should have died at the end. And I could have tolerated Ethan or Vanessa dying as well if done properly.

-Dorian should have gone quietly medieval on the whore army in his house and killed all of them. At first his character just seemed a vacuous window dressing but I'd like to see him even more developed.

-Not sure what I think of Lilly, Jeckyl, Frankenstein, and the Creature's arcs. I'm glad the Creature didn't reanimate his dead son. I somehow wanted Lilly to either be killed or to turn into a regular person and wander away. I'm fine with her fading from the show with no explanation. Victor I'm not sympathetic to anymore. Lord Hyde I would like to see more of, in both his guises.

-Yes to Sir Lyle and the Mummy. Either in London or Egypt or both.

-Sir Malcom does a good job being the center of soo many characters, keep him.

-More Dracula battles? Will the Creature stay nice or go mean/crazy? Who else? Invisible man? Phantom? Some other form of "monster", either classical or occult? What can the new Kat character bring to future episodes? I hated Dr Seward at first but now enjoy her.

Hmmmm, season 4? I hope so but don't have much hope. It did say The End at the end......

Summer Thunder

No need to look at the radar, I can see the front moving in. Lots of thunder, no rain yet.

Don't eat oats

Lovely little creatures are all over the back yard. Glad I see bunnies, birds and deer. Rather than rattle snakes.

The 1920's

Remember when a large part of the population found something dangerous to the greater good, though legal at the time. Went through the effort to change the Constitution regarding it. A national campaign and consciousness about the evils of alcohol and how it was our moral obligation to the safety of society, family, children, health care and public safety?

Remember that? How is that effort now seen in retrospect? As successful? As a correct principle? And where are we today?

There is something admirable in wanting to make such a change, but the means to it can't be banning a "thing". That's utterly foolish.

Look at prohibition again and make the corollary to the gun issue today and tell me if you think it will be any different? It won't.

Opposite and equal reaction

Never have I had to deal with soooo many stupid, surly, unknowledgeable, unhelpful people in my life.

When will I experience an equal and opposite level of customer service? It's a physical law, it has to happen, right?

Not Special

My old HMO wouldn't write me a scrip or let me fill one for enough Humira to cover me until new coverage here kicked in. Despite having the 90 days of coverage....

I'm used to being "in the system" and I guess cutting the line, or getting special consideration. The new health system is not having any of that....

So it looks like I'll have to go to the ER to force a prescription refill for my Humira.

The GI doc won't accept a self referral, I can't get into a PCP until the middle of August and then a referral to GI from there, leading me to not getting Humira until September at best. I have a shot for my injection in 5 days but nothing for after that date...

War

War on Poverty, check.

War on Drugs, check.

No Child Left Behind, check.

War on Terror, check.

War on Gun Violence, coming.

Let me know how well that works out. The war on obesity, smoking and drunk driving seem to have gone OK, so that at least is good.

?Orlando?

How would I feel if it was someone from my religion who was a mass shooter/extremist that shot and killed people? What would I do?

How would I feel if some group that I strongly identify with were the victims of a deadly attack? How would I mourn?

I am not a Muslim but it does seem the majority of terror events in the past 40 years are related to radical islamists. Also I'm not gay but they do seem to be the focus of quite a bit of hate still, despite a more open society and changes in social norms that make being gay more acceptable.

I was once told that it was a characteristic of an intelligent, civilized person if they could see things from a point of view now there own. That's what I'm trying to do here, is have a thought exercise about both sides.

I'm trying to avoid blanket, absolute pronouncements but instead something more nuanced. In the end though they are just thoughts, which are not worth very much unless they lead to actions. Changes.

We've got protected freedoms of religion, speech and the bearing of arms. I want to keep these as open and free as possible as I think that's of the greatest benefit to all mankind.

The US has had splinter religious groups and extremist groups before. Anarchists, KKK, Jim Jones. Semi automatic firearms with high capacity magazines have been around since the 1930's. Tommy gun, BAR. We've had same day news coverage since the invention of the telegraph. And radio. The core components of "today" really aren't that new.

Most people, countries and entities act first in their own self interest. I'm going to do the same and the first thing I think of is my own personal security. Which sounds safer to you? Being at home, in bed, behind locked doors, gun next to my bed, in a decent neighborhood at 0200 or being buzzed, at a club, in a large city, unarmed, at 0200.

Goes to prove the sayings -Nothing good happens after midnight. -The worst feeling in the world is needing a gun and not having one. -Be careful who your friends are.

In the end I'm angry that 50 Americans died at the hands of a person influenced by something foreign to us. I want a strong, united America. One that sees the differences but ignores them for the greater good. Less division and fraction and more compromise. You can keep your individuality in being gay, religious, a gun owner, ect but at a secondary level with national citizenship, pride being of greater importance.

But then we're back at the selfish thing I mentioned earlier....

What am I going to do? Continue to support my moderate Islamic friends. Continue to want to fight and kill radicals opposed to freedom and democracy. Work on having more empathy for the victims in these cases. Be more aware of my personal security. My concealed handgun class is tonight. I'll be carrying my gun, legally, everywhere possible afterwards.

And before I post any statements on fb or whatever, I'm going to try and look at it from as many angles as possible. Then if I feel like what I have to say will add value, I'll say it.

Less social, mostly media.

Oh man, so the new job has me running a business' social media. Their Facebook, blog, web store, forum accounts and Instagram. Generating content, posting, answering questions and updating it all is wayy more work than I expected.

And of course I'm doing my own internet promotional work for my shooting career.

This is one reason why I'm hit or miss on this blog or why it seems I post a ton and then none.

Oh and I got asked to help a Cub Scout group each week as well. Which requires a bit of internet training. hahahah.

Adjusting my AR

Ok, I've been living in Arkansas for over two months now, so time for a report and a review.

1. Driving here if you want to visit from San Diego is a non starter. You'd have to do two 12 hour days. That's brutal. Flights are less than $300 if you look around, just do that. I do have a nice guest room though should you want to....

2. They don't understand my voice often and I get theirs, but for the idioms. I think I have a higher toned voice and a west coast cadence so people here often ask me to repeat myself unless I am talking slowly and there is no background noise. It's ok, I understand. I get their accent OK most the time. Except the one time I couldn't find the restaurant called "Hal n Mal" as I was looking for "Howling Mal".

3. I live out in the sticks. Really. Dear, turtles, turkeys, bobcats, snakes, birds ect. Three acres of land at the edge of wooded land. FedEx can't find my without issue. My address is on no GPS. Everyone requires written or verbal directions just to get to the gate, let alone find my house once past the gate.

4. Religion. A large percentage of the people here are religious. It's like the total opposite of California. In CA if you talked about God, guns, America, Christianity and being straight you were the whack-job minority. Especially if you were white and male. Pretty much the exact opposite here. Not judging, just pointing out the differences.

3. Houses are cheap here. You can buy an amazing house for $350,000 here. That buys you crap in San Diego.

4. Going out to eat here is expensive. Especially for the quality of the food you're eating most times. Now there are good places here, but they are just not as ubiquitous as other places I've lived.

5. Bugs. Holy smokes bugs could take over and destroy this state if they wanted. Good thing they are not sentient to the level people are. I've gotten 5 ticks off of me and 42 bug bites on my legs here in this time frame.

6. People just generally aren't as healthy or attractive. A 7 in San Diego is a for sure 9 here.

7. It is definitely the Natural State. They love their outdoors of all variety. You can be into biking, boating, hunting, rock climbing, kayaking, fishing or just about anything but snow skiing and be good here.

8. Living in Little Rock area like I do you can be anywhere in the state in a 3 hours drive. Anywhere.

9. The weather has more drastic changes, more often, than any other place I've lived in my life.

10. I've met most my neighbors. DEA agent. ATF agent. Retired state patrolman. Yeah, it's that kind of neighborhood.

11. Customer service from blue collar or service industry jobs here is atrocious. Absolutely horrible. Adjust your expectations to toilet water level and you'll be happy. Seriously. Morons!

12. The roads are in good condition, but the state highway system is kind of circuitous. Hard to drive anywhere in a efficient, straight line. Fun for riding a motorcycle, not fun for trying to make time.

13. The house is closer to getting done. Waiting on a new batch of furniture for the dining room, living room and kitchen. Also all the window treatments for the front of the house. Only two rooms in the house need any real attention now.

14. There is room for the garden in the yard. It will happen. It will just take time. And time just lazes on by here.

15. Daylight! I don't know the science behind it, but it is light out till like 9pm already. Summer time here will easily have 14 hours a day of bright light. That's pretty cool.

16. Back to people just looking different here. Zero Asians it seems. Lots of blandness. Or the other extreme of being all tatted, dyed and pierced. Sense of style is not the same here at all. No dudes in flip flops, but tons of Tevas. You can tell instantly it is the South and not southern California.

17. No one speaks Spanish here. I've let my Spanish degrade to first year high school level and I still speak more than 95% of the non Hispanic population here.

Lyrics

"I went from no safe place to no space in the safe."

134.7

I wonder if I should worry? Rest more? Eat more?

Meh times one million

I'm getting really tired of poor customer service here. No one communicates, no one is on time, no one is on budget. It's ridiculous.

-motorcycle store missing paper work, scraping my truck, sending me a refund, redoing the tax assessment
-fence company, started week late, two days past estimate on finish, left debris in driveway.
-fence stain company, says oh we'll be there tomorrow at 8 sharp. don't show up. i have to call to get rescheduled.
-postal delivery lady, said she wouldn't deliver until she got a note or I met her at the mail box saying I actually lived here. No matter what the forwarding address form I filled out says.
-att internet. fiber runs through my front yard, neighbor across street has it. they say i live in an exclusion zone.
-built ins carpenter, whines and cries about his help and his personal problem. job is 4 weeks in and not done when projected to be two weeks.
-irrigation, continues to say he'll be out and look at it. never comes. and was recommended by both builder and the hoa.
-gun store can't find $300 worth of parts they owe me and seems to have just shrugged it off. "they can't be found, don't know what to do, sorry".
-two door installation companies have never replied to a phone call or website contact form.
-one county office for finger printing never responded to a phone call for an appointment.
-hair cutting place took three emails and one phone call to get someone to accept making an appointment.

I have more if you want.....

I never had this level of poor customer service in 15 years before but have had it all in 4 weeks here. Does anyone do their damn job here??

Probably

I've lost ten pounds in the last month. As I don't have a fever or sharp abdominal pain I doubt it is crohns disease creeping back.

A good reminder it is humira shot day as well.

I just don't eat out 1/4 as much as I did in San Diego. That's got to be it.

The past two days I've been 135# in the morning. So at least my pants all fit better!

The groove

The Roomba cleaning tool may look like a letter opener but it is not!

Vain Grey

For being 44 years old I'm happy with the suprisingly few gray hairs I have.

They all went to my beard!

What's right is wrong

All natural peanut butter is about as good as all natural deoderant. Not very.

The Bachelor

Dr Pepper and grapes. Yes, what I had for dinner tonight. When I don't feel like cooking I eat more fruits and veggies as they don't take much effort to fix.

The soda was an anomoly.

Alright AR!

Alright, I am feeling pretty much like I am settled in AR now, almost exactly two weeks after my arrival.

I have all the utilities in my name. My mail has finally been forwarded. I have a bed to sleep on. I have tv channels and the internet. I replaced the guns and motorcycles I sold before moving here. 90% of the items I moved have been put away. I have all the appliances that were not in the home. I have a lawn mower. my drivers license, insurance and such is all switched to Arkansas.

I need some furniture for the guest rooms/personal areas. The living room and dining room will probably get new furniture. A sprinkler system is yet to be put in. Then some stylistic/decorative touches and it should be good.

Blinds and shutters have been ordered. The built-ins around the fireplace have been started. The stain for the fence is waiting for clear weather to then be applied. I join a shooting range this week. I'll probably start work soon, or the following week. I've mapped out a 1.5 mile run from the house that is 50/50 street and trail through trees. I'll probably also build a fire pit in the coming weeks as well.

Step one is complete! I've been a little grouchy about aspects of it during the process but it is getting there!

Time to now

I never thought I would have reached a point where I am today. Taking 30 minutes to haul a whole house's worth of moving boxes to the curb at 0800.

Then weed n feeding spread on the lawn.

And before lunch putting up all the extra fixtures in three bathrooms.

I'm enjoying setting up a dream home, to the point I've skipped some shooting and riding.

Will wonders ever cease?

25 years ago

I had a nightmare about something I did 25 years ago that I have never forgotten or forgiven myself. I still feel sorrow and shame at it all.

It cost me a best friend and two other friends that I haven't spoken to since then.

I think the only way it would go away would be talking to S Nyman face to face. I don't think that will ever happen....

Magic Number

Three is a magic number according to the school house rock song but 6,000 is evidently the magic number in Arkansas.
Want new appliances? 6,000.
Want a fence? 6,000.
A set of built ins around the fire place? 6,000.
A sprinkler system for the yard? 6,000.

I won't go into the rest....

Gallup

What did I  learn my first morning in New Mexico? If you wake up, shower and then poop your day has been ruined. You need to go back to bed and start over and do it right.

This time the game is real

Moving madness, not March madness! Starting to feel it this week...

Satisfaction Search

Go to realtor.com and using the settings for search type in parameters of within 20 miles of San Diego, 2+ acres, 0-5 years old, 2,700 sq ft or larger and 2+ car garage. This is the closest search term settings to what I'm moving into in Arkansas.

You'll find less than 20 houses. And prices far above 1 million dollars. To buy what I'm getting in AR here in San Diego would cost me millions, yes plural, of dollars. And it was 370,000 dollars there, for a brand new home no less. That's a mortgage of $1,700 a month if you put 10% down.

That amount gets you a single bedroom apartment. Apartment!

I can complain about the lack of fresh fruit, lots of fried food, slower pace, further drives for some things, lack of choice for cultural activities ect. But man, look at just house prices and all of a sudden those other things seem to matter waaaaaayyyy less and I feel much more secure in my choice of where I'm landing for the next phase of life.

Goodbyes

It's turning into that time now. The hugs, the tears, the address exchanges, the well wishes. Saying goodbye to the people here in CA that I'll probably never see again. The true realization of moving and change and distance.

I'm happy with moving and cant' wait. But I still have ten years worth of feelings for people here in San Diego. You'll be missed.

El Tiburon

Guess who wants to eat at the big kid table?

Oh what a relief it is!

The land I bought for a shooting range out in east county has sold!!! I signed the papers this morning. Thanks and praise to God as this was a huge mental anguish for me for the past year. I feel soo much happier and relaxed now.

Something I'd let have power over my emotions and thoughts is now powerless and a soon to be distant memory.

Pilgrims progress

I've really neglected my blog the last two years and that's about to change! Why you say?

I downloaded the Blogger ap to my phone. Now that I don't need my laptop to post I predict a return to my old blogging form.

Buckle up, we're going for a ride!

Things to do and buy week one in Arkansas

-buy house appliances. refrigerator, freezer, washer, dryer. ($4,000?)
-buy yard tractor/mower. ($1,600)
-buy tool chest, work bench, shelves for garage. ($600)

-pay for fence. ($15,000)
-pay for sprinkler system. ($??)I'll guess $6,000......

-turn on water in my name. (Free)
-get Arkansas driver license and register truck. ($100)

-get new tv channels and internet service ($200)

-start new job
-get range membership ($200)

Yep, that should take about 7 days and $28,000 dollars....... YIKES.

None to one to three.

I had never ever owned a house in my life until this one. And this month I could possibly be doing three real estate deals. Selling the San Diego house, buying the Arkansas house and selling the land out in east San Diego county.

I really hope and pray all three deals go through!

Before moving I sold all the motorcycles as well. It is a pain to move 4 motorcycles across country. So right now I am at "none" for motorcycles. But if the land sells I'll quickly be at one. And by the end of the year have a couple more to be back at three.

Multiple ways this month I could go "none, one, three". And I'll take each and every one, err three, of them.

Duality of Man

with the last post I still can hold other opinions about my day to day life. One thought that has been recently occurring to me over and over is, "Is this what you'd be doing today if you'd just gotten out of the hospital?" By that I mean, there have been months where I couldn't eat, leave my house or even my bed.

I remember the desire I had soo strongly back then to get back to jiu jitsu, that's what kept me moving. While I no longer do bjj any more I like to think what am doing each day to make hospital bed-bound me think I'm making something of the day.

Carpe diem and all that.

On THIS day............

It's been almost a month since I posted and I think I know why.

This is the very first day of my life where I've felt more of my life is behind me than in front of me.

All of the big things in life have already happened. I've been born, grew up, married, had children, went to college, worked a professional job, traveled the world. The only big life events to come up are retirement and death. That's it. And since I don't work a regular job that only leaves the final event.....

Another crushing realization on this day is that I'm also now at a point where I used to be better at more things than I am now or will be in the future. I can't think of but more than 2 or 3 things I'll be better at in 10 years than I am now, or were. And they're mostly intangible things like "being patient" or "photography" and so forth.

I will never be as good at riding a motorcycle, riding a bicycle, running, brazilian jiu jitsu, surfing, autocrossing, tennis, writing, rock climbing, math and deductive reasoning as I have been at any other time in my life before today.

I don't feel like my life is over, and there are many things I'm looking forward to doing. But I feel I am on the downward side of it all. So I guess I now truly am old........... I'm definitely past the middle of my life expectancy.

I look forward with a smile to time with family, travel, learning some new things, hopefully staying healthy and so on. But when I think of just me, myself and I. Well it seems I'll never be again now as "good" as I ever was before.

How's that for a shock of cold water immersion reality?

To Do List

Sat-relax. watch supercross. eat dinner.

Sun-church. put match stuff away. clean out clothes closet. clean patio windows. put away laundry. take extra furniture to storage.

Mon-meet stager. finish prep work for staging. dentist appointment am. reload.

Tues-write final class curriculum. make travel arrangements for matches!

Wed-meet photographer. night time match.

Thurs-teach class. night time match.

Fri-practice? write talk.

Sat-carbine match

Sun-speak.

Gotta write all this down somewhere while my brain still isn't complete mush.

It's where you hang your helmet

As I walked through the Little Rock airport a few days ago I had the first twinge of "home" feelings. Looking at houses I've tried hard to visualize myself living in them, to make it feel more real. And as this week has gone on I am starting to feel "home" or at least a pleasant familiarity more as I go around town.

It also helps that I'm meeting people for lunches and dinners each time I visit. Basically I'm feeling still comfortable with my decision.

Funny Travel

I think it's funny that for roughly the same price you can travel to either one of the most beautiful places in the world, Oslo. Or you can travel to some of the least fun places in the world to visit as an American. Baghdad, Khartoum and Tehran.

You find my lack of beard disturbing?

Yes I've had a beard in the past. Yes I get told I grow a nice one and it looks good on me. But I resist growing one again and here are the reasons why:
-I live where there is hot water, razors, a mirror and electricity. There is no practical excuse not to shave. I'm not camping or hiking for weeks on end.
-I am not longer a contractor overseas. The contractor beard seems to be part of the costume/uniform for that work, but I don't do that work so no need.
-A majority of the gay men I know have a beard. I am straight. I do not want to adopt a look that would be confused as gay.
-Haji-flage is a joke. None of us look like locals when we are overseas, beard or not. It doesn't even buy you two seconds extra time when you're being scrutinized.
-It's been adopted as a look. A fashion statement. Beards in my opinion are the result of a practical need. Not part of your coifure. It goes against Rowdy nature to have something like this that would require extra work and attention solely for appearance.
-I have some gray in mine, which I think makes me look older for sure. Not what I really want. My wrinkles do that well enough, thank you.

So there you go. Yeah you may see pics in the future of me with stubble or whatever. And there are definitely beard pictures of me from the past. But if you see it now it's just due to being lazy. As soon as I snap out of it, rest assured it will be gone!

Pelo

There is something visceral about getting my hair cut that I like. Maybe it is because when I am feeling ill I like my head stroked. It soothes me. I got my hair cut today and it just made the whole day better.

Sports-kansas

I wonder what I'll be "into" sports wise in Arkansas? Very little of what is thought of as San Diegan will carry over to the new city. I've already sold my surfboard as a matter of fact and have the boogey board earmarked for someone.

Things I have done in San Diego semi-regularly
-surf
-snorkel
-hike
-mountain bike
-trail run
-brazilian jiu jitsu
-motorcycle
-rock climb
-skate board
-exercise outside

So what will I end up doing in Little Rock, especially that might be new? I don't know. Right now I imagine I'll
-start back at brazilian jiu jitsu, but from a fitness point not a competitor
-motorcycling, street and off road
-mountain biking
-trail running

Of course lots of shooting, both practice and competitions. I'll probably add in new versions of that as well. Steel Challenge, 3 gun and so on.

Maybe I'll get a dog? I plan on growing a garden for sure! Fishing? Hunting? I don't know. I should definetely pedal bike more there and maybe coming back to bjj after a 5 year lay off will be the "new" fix that I'm looking for.

I mean I will already be in a new town, new matches, new house, new motorcycles, new friends. But I do like me some "new".....

Imagine my fingers really close together

I'm "this close" to saying F*&$ I! to the parts of the internet where you directly interact with people. My non athlete facebook page, gun and motorcycle forums, twitter, all of it. It's like being in middle school.

He called me! Me! A son of a motherless goat!

That's a 3 Amigos line if you don't know....

Today on Facebook I got accused of "showing my white privlidge (sic)", because I said if you borrow more than $100,000 in student loans and I'm not calling you Doctor then you're a moron in my opinion.

They had the typical victim mentality about everyone else has it easier, things are harder now, it's not their fault, school costs more, I have a right to college ect. Let's call this what it is, absolute crap.

Look around, if you don't think the parts of life you don't like aren't a majority of your own doing, well you really are the problem. Coupled with this more modern idea that all things should be fair and equitable. They are not!

Life is pain princess, anyone who says otherwise is selling you something.

con-zoom-erism

And since I was talking about bikes in the post below and house prices, why not mention them! Just so anyone interested in helping out can get me the right thing! hahahahaha.

1. Triumph Street Triple. R or regular version. 2016 model year. A fun, quality, torquey do it all motorcycle.

2. KTM Freeride 250R. 2015 or newer model year. Light, nimble, mid power off road bike for fun trail riding.

3. Honda NC700X. The motorcycle I rode in Spain. Add a big screen, top box, grip warmers and it will be my mileage eater/commuter. This one can be new or used.


If motorcycles are for riding and for adventure I think this is a pretty dang good threesome! And they'll all be new bikes to me, so there is that element of positive to it all as well.

comparo

Per realtor.com and trulia.com

Average home price in San Diego county, $529,000. (My house here was $690,000 at purchase)

Average home price in Pulaski county, Little Rock Arkansas basically, is $176,000. (House I want there is $300,000)

With putting $40,000 down your mortgage, 30 year fixed, 3.9% is $2,312 in San Diego and $643 in San Diego.

I'm not so sure that I really can say San Diego is 4 times better than Little Rock. You could probably make me agree to twice as good, but not 4 times.......

Of just looking at my personal finances my mortgage from here to there will be about $2,700 a month cheaper. Yeah, that's saving $32,400 a year just in house payments.

Which to be honest I'll spend directly on the three motorcycles I want, so that's not really a good example..... hahaha. But it means I could pay cash for them, and that's way better than a loan for three motorcycles!

This is just a little paper and pencil exercise as I'm kinda tired of defending my choice to move to Little Rock to people in San Diego.

I feel like...

I feel like when I look at myself or others look at me the way you would fat Val Kilmer. You look at him and think to yourself, "man, you used to be awesome. what happened?"

I just feel weak, uninspired, tired, unattractive and that I've got nothing going on...

I know these feelings are temporary and possibly not justified, but I feel them none the less. Maybe when my house situation reaches some sort of equilibrium I'll feel better....

I'd like to train, to exercise, to recreate, to work, to load, to feel healthy and to finish packing.

I do not like...

... this house. All it does lately is frustrate me and cost money. Lots of money. I'll have spent over ten grand just to sell the house. And it's not like I'm walking away with enough equity to buy a house outright in AR. I'd be surprised if the check was greater than 10 grand to me when the moving truck pulls away from SD for a final goodbye.

Everything seems to be an issue and when exposed shows another one. Why not just tear the whole damn house down for goodness sake...