1-we know my picc line is in the wrong spot from an x-ray.
2-we know octreotide does not help me heal.
3-we know that being on tpn and npo did not work to heal me.
4-we have no idea how long it will take to get a 2nd opinion from a surgeon in my hmo and a gastrointestinal doctor from ucsd.
5-we know from my blood work and my clinical presentation that i am not suffering from a crohns flare up.
6-we know i can maintain weight and proper nutrition from eating.

so why in the hell would my surgeon ask me to go back to being npo (zero eating and drinking) and on tpn (the food and drink in a bag, given iv) until i can get these second opinions?

why follow what is an admittedly failing treatment course for an unknown amount of time? this question about my care and treatment plan is what has me soo furious. it is a non-answer and makes zero sense.

for over 12 months now i've been dealing surgery, emergency surgery, complications, misdiagnosis, failed treatments and a decidedly non-normal life.

this SEVERELY limits my life and completely undermines my happiness. just the thought of it makes me totally depressed and unpleasant to be around or live with.

hope is dieing within me. i'm up at 2am with a double does of benzodiazapenes in me and still can't sleep due to mental stress.

so now you know....i feel like i have zero control over life and that nothing i do matters.