consider yourself warned

if another person insinuates or outright says that i am the cause or that anything i do is the cause of my repeated issues with my scar..........

well.................

consider yourself warned for the verbal and possible physical violence that will accompany your words.

JCVD

My first wife had a thing for Van Damme and his movies. So we watched all of them that came out in our time together. We both got what we wanted out of them.

Now my 'cinema' viewing choices are a little more sophisticated and the only 'movie' I would think of watching is the documentary entitled JCVD. Or maybe the small role he has as a Venice Beach extra in the movie "Breakin'" where he is seen dancing on the boardwalk wearing a truly horrible 80's spandex outfit.

A common theme through almost all of his movies are he just gets beat down and beat down and beat down. Worse than Rocky. And just at the very end when you think he is going to be completely defeated, he rallies. Hooray, the hero overcomes and prevails.

In my movie the continual abscess and infection in my surgical wounds is the enemy and I'm the hero. The latest bout with this is a knock down blow I'm fearing. It is too easy to feel bleak and defeated currently. My hope has been betrayed too many times.

Taking liberty with one of my favorite movie's title mine would have be entitled "Dr. Strangelife or how I stopped smiling and learned to love the despair."

My midline scar is red, tender and warm. Profoundly not happy.

The Royal We.....

Ha, and you thought I was gonna write about the royal wedding. But as it is such a huge event in the "news" and I keep seeing places I've been while visiting there, I thought I would post some London pics of my own. These pics are from visits between 2006 and 2010.

yeah, i did.

guess what? this blog may be titled Rowdy Style but it has nothing to do with style in the fashion sense. it refers to the fact that i live life in a way that is reflective of my name.

in the same way that snoop dogg can have an album called doggy style i can have a blog titled rowdy style.

which means yeah, i can wear stripes and plaid and still be true to rowdy Rowdy Style and yet have it have nothing to do with style style.

get it, got it, good.







Oh and totally random thought but inspired by today's beautiful weather, I wish I could have an outdoor shower at my house. I would like to stand there totally naked in the sunshine and be misted by water. I think that would be awesome.

Ancient Chinese secret huh..??

Did you ever hear the security urban legend about how the Chinese are secretly putting code into all the computer hardware they manufacture to build a huge net they can control and bring the US to its knees. If needed. This is too obvious. I think there is a much more sinister plot.

Secret. Panda. Army.

Yes, the SPA.

The first hint was the Strong Bad web cartoon for the "fake" group Pistols for Pandas. A group wanting to provide arms to pandas so they can defend themselves and avoid extinction.

The first step was arming them. It didn't work. But in thinking about it and doing some detective work, I discovered the truth!

Remember the zoo employee here in San Diego who was bitten by a panda last month? Well guess what, it wasn't a little love nibble. That panda bit through both bones in her lower leg. Munched 'em like a dog chewing on chicken bones.
"Yeah, I bit her. And I'll do it again."

When you can't get the weapons to the pandas, make the pandas the weapon.

All the pandas in the US are on "loan" from China. We pay $1,000,00 US dollars a year for this privilege. You've been conditioned to think of them as harmless, cute. They are in strategic locations all through the US. We even assist them in breeding new panda soldiers. Think about it.

Don't fear China owning all our debt. Don't fear a war over Taiwan. Don't fear a secret computer invasion. Fear an unstoppable army of pandas.

Fear the bear. The Secret Panda Army.

Reality check, not gut check.

So in almost 8 months of not sparring or taking a real class I went for it and went to the advanced class tonight at jiu jitsu. I was going to do the whole thing for the first time.

Notice the past tense. My Acquacell AG fell out pretty quickly but my gauze and tape stayed on over my tiny tiny wound where it has yet to close. I did just fine for a first day back really in 8 months, and not being skilled to begin with. I mean, yeah I'm a purple belt or whatever, but I am by no means the star of the class at that belt. I'm actually lagging behind. Duh, I was gone 8 months! hahaha.

So about a hour into class I am totally dizzy and just spent. Done. I asked to sit out and Andre quizzed me about what was wrong and he just fed me a bunch of electrolytes. I felt better in about 20 minutes and then class was basically done.

My stomach muscles hurt just barely. More from being cut up and not being used than from anyone abusing me at class. My fingers are sore from gripping the gi. But I basically sucked tonight. Should I have expected any less? I really need to find a gun that can kill my ego. One shot, one kill.

Earlier in the day I had emailed Andre about competing in the IBJJF tournament in Phoenix. I love competing. Win or loose. But there is stupid and there is smart. He advised me to wait. My heart and mind want me to go, but he is probably right. So I am not going.

He asked me to go fight in a tournament May 8th, but I told him I don't fight on Sunday due to religious beliefs. He of course respected that decision.

Man this is such a long road back. I'm only 66% of the dude I was before, in almost any way you can measure it. And that sucks.

It tatstes better than it looks!

My lunch smoothie today had a so-so smell and a gross green color to it. I was afraid I would have to throw it away or gag it down. But it turned out that the good flavors came out the strongest and mixing two really different kind of smoothie styles wasn't such a horrible concoction after all.

1/2 cup 2% lactose free milk
1 cup orange juice no pulp
1 ripe banana
1/4 cup fresh blueberries
2 scoops chocolate Cytosport protein powder (27 grams)
1 scoop super green food
2 ice cubes

Go ahead, try it!

The best Easter hymn

Man and Machine

Me and my new ride today after our first trip up Palomar.

It's going to take me a while to get out of supermoto riding style mode and into superbike riding style mode. Oh darn, guess that means I have to ride more.

Decisions

My wound is almost closed. If I can make it the next 4 weeks without a recurrence then I am going to plan on doing masters world championships in Rio de Janeiro the end of July. So I will probably apply for my visa near the end of May.

I really need to decide when I can start giving 100% at jiu jitsu (jj) class. Figure out what the criteria are.

I was lazy and not really inspired to sign up for Portuguese lessons, even though they are 3 blocks from my house. Now I need to decide if I should get some professional guitar teaching.

Tuesday next week is gonna be a super aerobic exercise day! Running with G-ride in the morning and then biking with DBike later in the morning. And probably jj training at night. DBike swears I am trying to kill him with some of the trails I take him on. And all along I thought we were just having fun.

Travel, fighting, exercise, lessons. And to think the biggest worry some people have is what to fix for dinner. Oh, and I still haven't decided that either.

Johnny Bench

Here it is. My portal's decorative bench. From rain soaked stains to a nice blue. All in a day's non-work.









Better to do this than spending my time watching TV. Especially if I am still "sick" or whatever......

I wanna ride

Oh soooooooo exciting

Today I decided to repaint the park bench I have by the front door of my place. Pics of the process and the finished product will be up tomorrow afternoon.

Yeah, that's how exciting my day has been. Outdoor furniture refinishing. What happened to me?

Oh, funny, my right sided wound is healing up great but now I feel a negative space between the scars tracking toward my midline one. I can not freaking catch a break!!

Just when I sign a two year contract with my jiu jitsu academy watch, something will happen and I won't be able to freaking roll. I can't afford to just throw away $100 a month. Especially to not get to do something I love.

I also find out tomorrow if I have TB. Serious eye rolling.... UGH.

The only thing that is going to be weird/interesting is that I am letting this weird dude from Switzerland stay at my house for two nights this week. He is training at the academy and living on the mats there at night. So I feel a little sorry for him and I have a guest bedroom, so why not be nice? Dude is straight up Euro though and all the weirdness that goes with that. Hahahahaha.

27 is a lucky number.

I have 27 followers now on Google Reader and or Blogger. Thank you soo much!

I would love to hear from each of you what you like or don't like about my blog.

Thanks!

Monday Me

Cell phone self portrait today:

No wonder I am tired..... Yesterday I mountain biked up at Vail Lake for about 3 hours in the morning. It being my first time back on the bike and the trails in rough condition, well I know what it feels like to hit the ground again. Arm covered in scrapes and a bruised ankle and groin. Then mexican food.

That evening was jiu jitsu again at Atos USA here iqun San Diego. I finally asked to spar and did with the female higher belts, purple and brown as well as the light weight white belt guys. It felt sooooo amazing! Then I went and bought a large combination pizza. Mountain Mikes.

Today was the Atos bbq at Mission Bay Park, pretty much at Sail Bay. If you have never had a Brazilian barbeque for you, you are missing out! What they can do with charcoal, meat and coarse sea salt is nothing short of magic! We joked that his next book needs to be "Andre Galvao's Grill to Win". Three hours in the sun, stuffing my face with chicken, tri tip, Dorritos, soda and potato salad.

No wonder I had to take a two hour nap this afternoon. And why I hurt all over. Or not really hurt but I am sore that is for sure. And speaking of hurt, my right sides scar where my stoma was has opened up again. Big time and is draining like it's the funnest thing in the world for my body to do. I am really getting tired of this.

Heal me. That is my prayer.

$300 on ebay, $180 if you bought last November

Batch 8 from Shoyoroll I was able to get in on. For the first time. This theme was Lakers and Yankees in the color scheme, east vs west. I went with the navy and white Yank rather than the white and purple Mamba.

And as the title says, sorry kids, all sold out. They sell out in about 6 hours. So if you want one, go to ebay and be ready to drop at least $300. And this is the only navy gi they will ever make according to Vince.

Wearing this bad boy to promotions tonight!

Mr. Wizzard never did this

So I am doing a little experiment on myself. Just as you've heard of a kitchen beautician coloring their own hair, I am coloring my insides. Old lady blue. Or methylene blue if you want to be exact.



Just mix with water, drink and in two hours check to see if your skin or bandage has blue on it where you suspect you have a leak. Or enterocutaneous fistula if you want to be exact.

And if you didn't get the title, here is a little Youtube help to get you up to speed. Ahhhh, the early years of Nickolodeon.

While I am using mine for a legitimate diagnostic test, methylene blue is most famously known as a biochem lab prank* to play on your friends. Or like this moron who probably bought his at an aquarium supply store and is doing it to himself. I had to turn the sound off.

*It turns your urine a different color.

Really think about it.......

Many people profess to have an ideology, morality, family member, institution or some other idea or construct they say, "I would die for______________", filling in the blank with whatever they hold to that level of worth. Tangible or intangible.

It is the other side of this that I am curious about. What would you kill for? Dying is a passive act. It is a conclusion to action, for the person who is dying there it total finality. But if you kill for your cause, belief, idea, institution of family you are still alive to experience the results, the effects, the history and consequence of action.

How often have you heard someone say they would do "anything" for such and such? But yet the same person seems unable to do the small steps that would ultimately lead to the same place. Like a poor person hoping to win it big in the lottery almost.

But the very same thing you profess you'd die for, would you instead take action? Kill for it?

Would you?

Whenever I/you think I'm/you're having a bad day....

...someone else is having a worse day. Someone else is totaling their car,
losing a loved one unexpectedly and/or never seeing a sunset again.


Head, chin up, attitude up and smile.

i am not a doctor

i am not a doctor. at all. though i do __________________ with one, but not on tv.

and as i am not a doctor, take what i write next with more than a grain of salt. dump the whole shaker on it.

i think i have finally developed an enteric fistula. (that's not good btw)

what might possibly be worse, if i'm right, is that i am not gonna do anything about it until monday.

hooray for self diagnosis, the bane of all true doctors. isn't the patient always right? hahahahhha.

for not having a job i always seem to be really busy.....

today i have 2 different doctor appointments at opposite ends of down with a dentist visit for a filling in between.

update
i hit a raccoon on the freeway today on my motorcycle. if you are going east on the 8 and want to take the 15n exit you'll probably see it.

my surgeon and my infectious disease doctor basically could only say today that i am "unlucky". how the hell-o is that a reason for anything medically? next thing you know they are gonna sacrifice a chicken to see what is wrong with me.

my "baby" sized filling as the dentist termed it ended up being a misnomer. girl gets aggressive in my grill. one hour of fun in the chair. i have a heat pack on my face currently to counter the local anesthesia and get rid of the numbness.

my other doctor appointment got moved from monday of next week to tomorrow to today. so now i'm just waiting to see what she says. dot dot dot....

=(......

i cried for the first time today in a long time. i squelched it after 4 seconds. neither felt good.

don't sweat the technique

hit up jiu jitsu this morning. slowly doing more and more each class. i love learning this art.

still slowly working on the guitar.

seriously thinking of taking brazilian portuguese lessons.

my super rare shoyoroll gi should be here the end of this week.

someone stole the last child support check i sent out of my exe's mailbox. some bank in her state deposited it without even and endorsement! i got my money back thankfully.

i'm totally vibing off of eric b and rakim right now. i guess that makes me old skool...

my right sided wound is hot, tender, swollen and looks like it is going to reopen and drain again. i'm really earning the play on my name of rowdy matt sicko. i see an infectious disease specialist tomorrow. next monday is an appointment with a wound nurse.

oh and i had one cavity that i get to have filled tomorrow. damn my sugar addiction. when i was in iraq my safe word for me if i was captured or anything was 'candy'.

sorry for not posting any pictures lately, just haven't had anything really interesting i guess for you. i hold my readers in that high of regard that i just don't post crap.

now it is off for a bahn mie sandwich and 2 hours at dmv.

riding

so i meet some random people off the internet today for riding and pictures and such. in the crapshoot that the web is i lost on this roll. i bailed early on the riding portion. i swear two of those people are gonna be statistics before the year is out....

and now that i'm putting more miles on my daytona i have a pretty good idea of the list of mods for it.
-carbon fiber exhaust canister
-new clutch and brake levers
-double bubble style wind screen
-solo seat cover
-frame sliders and spools
as you can see almost all of these are for looks rather than outright speed or performance. this motorcycle is that good! oh man, i can't wait to do a few track days on this thing!!

5x a day

eating basically five times a day and lifting weights and taking in almost 100 grams of protein a day is starting to have an effect.

when i stepped on the scale this morning i was 131.0!!!! for the first time in 8 months i am back to weighing in the 130's.

and i am very happy about it. more muscle, more tissue and even more fat are all very helpful for me right now. it means i am getting stronger. that my intestines are adapting and working better despite my lack there of. i am building up a reserve. some extra.

we will see what the addition of starting jiu jitsu and riding my mnt bike will do. will i build more muscle or will i burn more calories than i can consume? back in 2008 when i started back at jj again i gained 5lbs of muscle in my first two months of going to class.

no matter what, i am happy in the fact that i am seemingly progressing. even if it is only in small steps. i still like it.

the sun will come out tomorrow

i watched the sun set on the ocean this evening. it was beautiful. the sun will come out tomorrow, thankfully.

you know what else will come out tomorrow?

blood, sweat and tears. not the band but the fact that at 9am i will be stepping back onto the mat for jiu jitsu class for the first time in almost 8 months!!

gas, speed and gears. i am gonna take the new motorcycle out for a little turnin' and burnin'. and i was just saying i haven't had a speeding ticket in 6 years. jinx.

So "my job" at the academy is not mine. In the week I decided to not watch class from the sidelines it was given to a Brazilian friend of a friend of theirs. Typical sob story about being in the US with no job and such.

I speak English, I can legally work here, I have more computer skills than them and I've actually been a receptionist for a business before. But that counts for nothing when it comes to ethnicity. Helping your own versus doing the best for your business.

I'm really gonna be pissed if taxes, green cards and stuff like that get all messed up and the academy I've chosen to finish my jiu jitsu in gets closed because of something stupid.....

Em G D A

The title is the 4 chord progression on the guitar for one of my favorite songs right now. I am sooooo excited as they are chords I know. And I love this song, it is "my" song for spring of 2011.

This is all I am going to practice for a while till I can play along with the song almost perfectly.

A fan made video for the song:


Em G D A.............

Good and Bad.

Good #1 and #2. We all have our problems. Mine happen to be mainly health issues and occasionally employment ones. Even at their worst I have been able to overcome them. Through my own efforts, family, friends, faith and God. Or whatever works. You basically adapt, get smarter or stronger and don't quit.

Two things have happened recently that reminded me to be happy with the problems I have and that I don't want anyone else's issues or difficulties. The first is a friend who is going through the break up of her marriage. She is totally distraught and just overwhelmed. I've been divorced twice, I know what her journey through it is going to be like. I'm happy I'm not in that spot relationship wise.

Second I watched an early screening, for free, of the movie Soul Surfer last night at SDSU. The audience was 80% female due to being fans of C. Underwood most likely. It was also 90% students, I'm sure just due to the venue. When they asked who surfed it looked to be mmmmaaaaybe 10% of the audience raised their hand. (I did)

But I think the real minority in the audience were people who knew this was going to be very 'heavy' movie about her journey in faith and relationship to God. It was not a surfing movie. It is a movie to tug your heart strings and get you to ask questions of an eternal nature.

A bunch of the audience felt this as a "bait and switch" and just watched it like a movie. Others were seemingly stunned to see old, but familiar famous actors in roles with such religious overtones. I'm a Christian and subscribe to most of what was said in the movie but I still felt odd by having it presented to me as popular entertainment.

This is really going to be a movie where you take out of it what you brought of yourself into the theater. Just be prepared it is not just a 'surf' movie, or even a documentary. It is a two hour After School Special about how Christianity will make your life better set against the back drop of a famous girl surfer.

The good I got out of these two things lately? I don't want another's problems. I am happy to have mine, work on them. And help others work on theirs.

Bad #1 and #1.5.

I was never happy with what I was writing for the story contest for Nerve about a worst date. While mine were amusing in some ways, I really lacked the abitily to tell either of them in words in such a way as to make people laugh or cry. Maybe I should have brought someone in to check my work. But as I tried writing them, they never came together in a way where I felt a reader would really laugh or have sympathy for me. AGH! Writing as constructing something artful. Not easy to do!

So I figured I at least owed you my blog readers a short version of each story, hitting the highlights. I never submitted a good version of either of these stories, but feel free to tell me which one you think I could have possibly fleshed out into something better.

Bad date one started as an internet date. Hey, I was living in the Bay area. Everyone is doing techy stuff and online all the time and ahead of the curve. I was on myspace within 6 months of it going live. There is not internet dating stigma in the Bay area. So you should loose yours too.

As she was an executive type person with say, HP I felt a little pressure to kinda match up to her. My nuclear medicine gig was good, but I was feeling outclassed. So I went to Express for men and let the gay dude there dress me up. I kept those clothes for a llllong time because I really did look sharp in them.

We lived in different towns so I bought her some flowers, jumped in my truck and drove to the parking lot of the shopping center we were meeting at. She was hot, had style and good diction. But she was also kinda cool, bossy and aloof. I'm going to stop telling it as a story now and really just tell you what happened.

She threw my flowers in her trunk. No thank, no hug no nothing. We didn't even say hello with a handshake. She said the exterior of my truck was too dirty to ride in so we would take her car. Had I ridden in a Volvo before? Goodness lady, it's a volvo. Give me a break. She drove me to the Rodan sculpture garden on the Stanford campus and that is where we spent a few hours walking and talking. Ok to talk to, a few hiccups in our communication. But she was smart. It is always easier to talk to a smart person for the first time than a dumb one.

After giving my my culture she picks a lunch place. Now mind you, this is a first date. I've already bought an ENTIRE new outfit. She already just casually with no mind tossed my flowers in the trunk. Lunch, with no alcoholic drinks of course, comes to $60!! For lunch!

At this time I was ready to cut the date and go home. So I did. No kiss. Barely a sideways hug. She told me she wished I was taller. I went home confused and unsatisfied with the day. She called me a few days later asking me to go to a movie with her. I had zero other female action on so I went. She barely spoke and at the end of the night in her car in the parking lot she told me she was being transferred to India. Like it should matter to me at this stage..... I told her it would be a great opportunity and to maybe keep in touch. I've never seen or heard from her again.

Date #2 I was having dinner with a club I was thinking of joining at a fairly upscale restaurant. One of the waitresses kept eying me the whole time she was serving our group. I mean, I was a young guy dressed nice, in a nice place surround by a bunch of old rich dudes. She probably thought I was one of their sons. After making heavy eye contact for two hours the meal and meeting was over and I was leaving. She was cashing out her tips and the bar and said "hey wait" as I walked by. So I stopped. She asked me my name, I read her name tag and told her hi as well.

We clicked nicely, naturally. Not my normal type, a tall, skinny, leggy blonde. A ditzy waitress. But she was super fun to talk to and it was very easy to feel comfortable our first time meeting. We had music, sports, books and even some politics in common. I was falling into the trap of the free and easy bohemian girl but I didn't know it.

Leaving her work we go and sit in her car for privacy. We talk about life and stuff in general. She plays music I like and then slips out of work clothes there in the car into an incredibly attractive outfit. Sexy California casual. And I'm in a suit. And she is almost 6' and I'm 5' 7". So now I'm transfixed by the typical california girl goddess.

She asks me if I want to go to one of her friends house. I say sure. But she needs to do just one thing first. Leaning over from the driver's seat to me she reaches in the glove box and pulls out a pipe! Takes a huuuuuuge hit of weed, asks me if I want some and then takes of driving. Just like that. At the next light I put on my seatbelt, take off my tie but keep it on me. She takes another hit of the ganga.

I ask where we are going and she laughs and says again "just a friend." She is feeling looser and more fun and I'm starting to get nervous. I'm also noticing it is almost 11pm now and we are driving into a worse and worse part of an already crappy town. Tah Dah! We are here.

We get out. She holds my hand. Super flirty conversation. I start to calm down. That is until on the front steps she tells me to be "cool" because this is her heroin dealer's house. And they might think I'm a cop cause of how I'm dressed.

Alright Rowdy. Put up or shut up. Can you deal with anything like you say you can or what you gonna do? I go in. I sit. I shut up. She buys heroin. She smokes it. We leave. Now what the heck do I do???????? I get in, tighten my seatbelt extra freaking tight and tell her nicely to drive me back to my car. "Nah, I'm really tired and I gotta work early, I don't think I can hang out any more tonight Ghenny. Sorry. Thanks for taking me back to my car though."

That didn't happen. In a laughing fit she just couldn't drive anymore. I was no longer amused by what was happening. Not freaking out, but ready to bolt from the scene for sure. When she stopped at a stop sign I just got out of the car and said I could walk from there. She drove off. Laughing and smiling.

It's another long story, but I did make it to my car and to home. Safely. Jenny with a G, or H girl as she came to be called still was interested though. She would spontaneously show up at my work to eat lunch with me. Call or text me just to chat. We hung out for a month probably, me normally just admiring from a distance whatever wild ride she was on chemically, intellectually or physically.

Finally though the flakiness of our friendship got to me. And I want to be able to make out with a girl if we were gonna hang out so much together. So it was over. I actually changed my phone number. We amazingly had mutual friends and I would hear about her once and a while but that's it. Never saw her again.

So what do you think? Snooty girl or Druggy girl? Which was the worst date???????

I have a fever and the only prescription is more cowbe...err...taffy. Within two hours of leaving the dentist I had this bag of goodies in my hot little hands!
IIFFFFF I was going to get a tattoo, it would be something like this Sharpie version I have currently.

Warrior Dash 2011

I like my furry hat to say "I like to party."
Gotta cover my wound. 4 Tegaderms later...
Yes, that is a real leather loin cloth.
combat cosmetics
Waarrrriooooorrrs, come out and plaaaaayyyy
fire fire huh huh fire
semi-tired, but I never walked or stopped!
The interviewer tried molesting me multiple times....
Oh spit!
To the victor goes the spoils