That dang pancreas! aka Medical Aphorisms

There are a couple of general medical or surgical rules you learn through the years of school and clinical experience.

1. Better is the enemy of good. When something is good enough and you go, "mmmm, I think I could make this better by (fill in the blank)", chances are you are about to really mess it up. If something is good, leave it. You will most likely not be able to make it "better".

2. Generalists know nothing about everything. Specialist know everything about nothing.

2a. What do you call someone who lied, cheated, took drugs and slept their way through medical school? Doctor.

3. No test/procedure/surgery is too complex for someone else to order it. Tell me about this one. I've been the patient in these scenarios and I've been the person tasked with doing the test requiring Herculean effort. It's pretty easy to ask for something crazy when you don't have to do it.

4. Never get surgery on July 1st. (or even go to the hospital at all in the first two weeks of July if you can help it) This is the date all new, right out of medical school 'doctors' start their internship. You do not want to be in the hospital their first two weeks on the job if you can help it.

4a. The 3 most dangerous things in medicine: a med student with a sharp object, a resident with an article, and an attending with an anecdote.

And the grand daddy of them all,

5. Eat when you can, sleep when you can and don't mess with the pancreas. This is like the golden rule of healthcare. Take today for instance, I only have a 30 minute lunch period and it falls in about a 45 minute window of time. I could care less about whatever free lunch is being brought in. If it doesn't fall in that time zone and I chose not to eat then I WILL be screwed.

On call and feel like a nap? Take it! Next thing you know you will be there 20 hours non-stop. (St Agony, I don't miss taking call at your hospital in any way!)

For me, at work this week it is all about #5. Even though I'm still losing weight working, down to 140 now, I'm all about eating whenever I can throughout the whole day and making sure I'm asleep by 10pm.