Come, let us reason together....

So for the next 4 weeks I am working a Nuclear Medicine gig full time. This has its positives and negatives, like anything, and I find myself feeling apprehensive about tomorrow. And the next four weeks.....

I'm going to treat this post like a white board and just try to work it out for myself. Come to some resolution about my feelings and how to adequately deal with them in a successful manner.

What am I afraid of? What is bothering me?
-I haven't worked a full time nuclear medicine job in 7 years.
-I'm the sole technologist there, no back up.
-Being able to be productive, to maintain a work flow that is good for the patients and the office. No overtime.
-Paperwork. This particular job site is more paperwork intensive than I've ever dealt with so I feel a pressure due to the newness of it and the volume.
-I can't remember anyone's name. I forget the processes of all the other crap that goes into this job as far as charts, scheduling, billing and all that stuff that I get asked questions about.

Things I simply just don't like. But can not change.
-The almost two extra hours of my day spend commuting.
-It is too cold to ride a motorcycle to work.
-Just the change this brings to my life right now. I'm not used to being someplace, everyday, at a certain time, dressed a certain way, to be responsible for soo many different things. For weeks on end this time.
-At work I have zero view of outside for 8 hours.
-Only a 30 minute lunch and the rush of a schedule that requires me to bring my lunch and eat on site. I prefer to have a real break, away from the place. And to eat food that is more than what I pack in my lunches.

OK, what is good?
-The pay. I am going to make a great amount of money. Which I will then donate, spend and save. I like having money. Almost $400 a day after taxes, I'll take that!
-Their equipment. Everything at this place is new, clean and fairly up to date. Their camera is especially high tech and new.
-The person who I am "subbing" for isn't dead or out of the country. Should I REALLY get messed up, I can call his cell phone. (but I don't want to 'cause then I look bad)

Good stuff? Don't have to worry about that. It is good and will take care of itself.
Things I can't change? Well I've just got to come to terms with them. And they will mostly be solved by time, repetition and exposure. Soon they won't matter at all.

And what about the things that are making me nervous? Frankly, I can't kill a patient and that would be the very worst thing. As I sit and think about it I just don't want to look dumb or incompetent to people who don't know me. I don't want that to be their impression of me. I want to do a good job and put a high value internally on doing so. Even if just for myself.

But as my mom just told me on the phone while we talked about it, "Hey, it's better to be paid to look dumb than to be doing it for free." HA! Gotta love her.

I think with lots of positive self talk and the experience that will come with getting this next week done and complete it will all be OK. I've spent the last week training so starting tomorrow I am on my own.... The test begins. By week's end, I should be good. Just gotta get there.... Just keep swimming. Keep it together.