2011 Pan Jiu Jitsu Championship

Wow, just for hours ago I was on the mat fighting and now I'm sitting on my couch, hearing the rain come down and barely able to finish a rice crispy treat.

Want to know something else odd? I'm wearing my USBJJF id card around my neck but not my medal. Yes, I was given another medal, 3rd place. But let's rewind a little bit first.

If this is your first time reading my blog, I have been sick and recovering from 4 different surgeries over the past 29 weeks. I haven't been to a jiu jitsu class since September 9, 2010. I know my opponents had been training like crazy. I would have been to if able. But instead I was bed ridden for months and lost 20 pounds. I was not allowed to do more than walk a bit. If I could even at all. Rough time.

Time passes and I start to feel about 65-70% of my "good". In my zealousness to return to my version of normal I sign up for the Pans, against everyone's wishes. No one really wanted me to do this but me. I HAD to do it. One of the largest jiu jitsu tournaments in the US just 90 minutes from my house? Of course I am fighting!

Last year my class had a guy who was in a wheelchair and he had to drag himself out there with his arms, on his belly, to fight. When I saw something like that, no way is a messed up surgical wound, a loss of 20 pounds and zero training in almost half a year going to keep me away. Just to prove to myself that Crohns disease is not beating me, not totally running my life, I had to fight.

First it was touch and go if I would make weight. I did. Barely. Then they told me my belt was illegal but I appealed and they allowed it. Then my patches on my pants where 2cm too low and had to be torn off. Then they didn't like my "Orange Crush" patch either but it stayed. Freak! I have to get a new purple belt now. (or find my old one)

My first fight is Tom V, a guy from a division two years ago that I took second place in. A real bunch of fights. Three to get into the finals. That silver medal was totally earned. Well a guy from that division and I were paired as the first fight on our side of the bracket. (the guy who took gold when i took silver at blue fought today at purple, pluma. so i'm sure Milo and i will meet again)

I was too stiff. I was slow mentally. I got submitted. And thus the conciliatory 3rd place as there were only 4 of us in the group.

The guy who beat me went on to win the division against the favorite. He was gracious in defeating me and told me I was a winner just for fighting when no one else would in my situation.

So here I sit at home. With a medal many would love to have, cast off onto the couch. But my ID card I'm still wearing around my neck. Why?

I feel embarassed that I should lose one match and yet still get a medal. I feel ashamed that I represent Andre Galvao as one of his students and I lost. I feel self conscious my ego drives certain of my decisions in such an obvious way to those around me.

But yet, I feel like a warrior for doing something no one else would do. What others told me would be crazy and fool hardy to do. But I grit my teeth and did it. I stayed true to myself. I truly have had to fight to live. And evidently a large part of me also lives to fight. Vive para lutar, lute para viver!!

And that's why I'm wearing my ID around my neck. I'm proud of "me", my internal strength. For fighting. For following the Rowdy dictum, "that's the difference between you and me. I'll do what you won't."

For fighting.

Thank you to Tenacious/Super D. I can do nothing with out you.
Thank you to Andre Galvao for accepting me into the team, though I have yet to earn it.
Thank you to Fabio Santos for giving me the best start in bjj I could have ever had!
Thank you to KB, MW and RS for being willing to come to my house and help me start to get some jiu jitsu movement again.
Thank you to Caleb at TheFightworksPodcast.com for always listening and supporting me. I always listen and support you back!
Thank you to all my training partners and opponents. You teach me soo much!
Thank you to God, all blessings come from you. (though I don't think he really cares about what I do in jj hahahaha)