Genetics, Nature, Nurture, Family

The other night as I awoke bleary eyed at 2am I squinted into the bathroom mirror and saw my maternal grandfather.

In the past few years both of my sisters have told me how much I look or act or do something that reminds them of Pop Pop. (My oldest cousin L is the one who gave him that name. Evidently "grand pa" was to difficult to say but say the "pa" part twice in a row in what sounded like "pop" gave him the name Pop Pop from all of his grand kids. I don't think I ever called him by his first name until after he died.)

So I looked in the mirror and saw Pop Pop. And it made me miss him. And feel guilty I missed his funeral. I went to both of TCB's parents funerals but none on my mom's side. I feel both sad and bad about that. Like missing my niece's (TB)baptism this weekend.

Later the next day I got an email about family history from my biological dad, LK. Wait, you didn't know? It's OK, I just met him a two years ago myself. I have the person I call "Dad" who has been around since I was born and whose last name I use and who is listed as my parent on my birth certificate. But if you did a genetic test, not so. It is still very new to me and I have a hard time balancing how I feel and act but really I think it is working out good.

In the pictures and information LK sent me there is a very clear photo of his parents, my genetic paternal grandparents, that shows very clearly where I get my looks from as well. When I go to Norway this summer let's just say I won't look out of place! Ha ha ha ha.

It is interesting to muse on how I am who I am based on nature and nurture. The expression or not of whatever genotypes and phenotypes I carry. I carry things from all three of these important males in my life.

Obviously TCB is first and foremost. He is my "dad". There is soo much positive I could write here about him and what he has taught me. I need to find a way to express my thanks to him. Or at least write down in my private 'analog' journal the things he has taught me about life.

Pop Pop fills me with complex memories. I spent almost all of my childhood summer vacations doing things with him. It is because of him I have done soo many cool things, love to travel, have a both obstinate and open mind, and curse. Also my love of seafood. He was a great teacher of manly skills, outdoorsmanship and such. But he also didn't tolerate screw ups lightly at all.

Finally I appreciate my genetic parent, LK, (who I yet to have a qualifying name for I use consistantly other than 'my other dad' or 'my birth dad') who I am thankful answered a hand written letter from me that arrived totally buy surprise at his door two Christmases ago. We are learning more about each other and developing a relationship. It is good. I am even thinking about going up to his house in Idaho and visiting him there. We have only met once in real life, for a weekend in Colusa but I think we both need a little more. Curiosity has been fulfilled and now we are working on being friends. Again, it is good.

One bleary eyed look in the mirror and so many thoughts and memories...........

To all the men in my "family" who have shaped me in a positive way, parents, grandparents, UNCLES!, my brother, all of you I love you and "thank you."