For pleasures past I do not grieve, nor perils gathering near; My greatest grief is that I leave nothing that claims a tear. Lord Byron

Ok here is the deal and why it is important.......

Some background information. I have had Crohns disease since I was like 11 or 12. I have now had 9 surgeries on my small bowel.

2.5cm equal one inch. I have 110cm left of small bowel. Anything less than 100cm of small bowel puts one in danger of having small bowel syndrome.

I have a 10cm buffer, or 4 inches.

Four inches separate me between being normal-ish and never being able to eat again.

Your large intestine absorbs water. Your small intestine absorbs nutrients. With less than 100cm of it you run the risk of never being able to absorb enough nutrients to live.

Then you go on TPN. That was the 'everything you need' fluid through my special IV line. And then you die two years later due to liver failure.

And they don't do small bowel transplants. They are still considered experimental in the US. Something very rare and very expensive. And I don't meet the criteria.

From everything I know, have researched and heard from the doctors at my HMO I have to have surgery to close the two fistulas (holes) I have in my abdomen from my small intestine. There are no papers I can find that show any closure rate for a fistula after 3 months. I have had mine 9 months.

This surgery could easily remove 20cm of my small bowel. Which puts me firmly in small bowel syndrome territory.

It's kind of a big deal. I either come out of this surgery with a regular life or a nutritional cripple. No middle ground.

So thus I wait to hear from one famous doctor who just moved to San Diego to see if he has any last ditch tricks to try and close my fistulas. Which I honestly doubt he has.

Sometime this year I will likely wake up from surgery and know, will the rest of my life be normal? Or not.................