St Helens, Krakatoa, Vesuvius, Penetubo, Mazama

So I feel like I have been ignored by my surgeon in this stage of my care. Since it seems he is unwilling to make an office visit appointment I email him weekly updates that are actually ignored by him and responded to by one of his nurses. Whom I did not email. The other physicians of mine I email answer me directly, personally. Not this guy, ever.

In my email today a little bit of hyperbole about how I felt caused me to receive 3 calls from his nurses. Not him. I'm writing him, not some freaking nurse I've never met. I want the person who has actually had their hands inside me talking to me, not some low level office functionary. Which is frankly how I do view an office nurse.

This, having to change my bag today, not having showered for almost a week, not being able to do a single damn thing I enjoy have all just built up inside me.

And I am not even half way through this step of the process........

The level of capital A Anger, frustration, loathing and inability to make any difference in the situation are rising to volcanic levels. The only thing stopping me from going on an spree of utter destruction in epic proportions to myself, others and anything around me is the knowledge in how that would dissapoint all who care about me.

I may not act it out, but I still have these feelings at a level I haven't felt in years.