"The horror! The horror!" -Kurtz.

One of my favorite authors is Joseph Conrad. While I enjoy almost all of his novels it seems most people are only familiar with Heart of Darkness, from which the above quote originates. And is appropriate for what I'll write next....

If I did not have family I don't think I would have chose to live through this.

Now don't get alarmed. It is just a statement. Not a plan or a cry for help.

While I talk about all the things I want to do when I get better those things are just stuff I enjoy. They make life fun. But to have a reason to live I need more than that. And that "that" is my family.

My life has been amazing. I have experienced more than 90% of the people I know. It really is just amazing. But I have also experienced many horrible things as well. Illness, unemployment, disease, divorces (yes, that's a plural), loss, injury, rejection, bankruptcy, depression.

Right now, I think how I felt during my divorces is the only thing equal to these past few months. The only thing deeper in life, with more meaning for me is family. They are what keeps me going. They are my reason. They are my life.

And because of them, I am going to keep living my life.

All I have ever wanted was to be a better man. Someone who did the right thing, stood up for others, made people smile and have fun. A man with something interesting to share no matter who I am with or talking to. A person who gives more to the world than they take. A man with passion, who lived, loved and excelled at what he does. This is the life I strive for.

Family, I love you. And I owe you more thanks than you will ever know.