My last lap top originally had a lot sharpie tags and graffiti on the cover. But taking it in and out of my backpack wore that off and made it look uneven. So then I just plastered it with various stickers included with things I bought.
This time I'm feeling a little more ambitious. I brainstormed using paint pens, making a custom vinyl sticker, applying bondo forming, sanding and then painting a texture to it. Then I thought about giving the edge small teeth, or covering it in faux animal fur. Or cutting up a gi and covering it with that kind of material.
And since I can't leave well enough alone sometimes and I have a bit of free time right now, I have hit upon the perfect idea.
This is going to be funny, cute and totally original. Check back on Friday to see the finished product!!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Gnu
New lap top. New operating system. New browswer. New software.
All these new things are causing me to go a little slower with computery type junk. So please, be patient.
Thank you.
All these new things are causing me to go a little slower with computery type junk. So please, be patient.
Thank you.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A father's lessons
10 Things A Young Male Needs to Know or Do to Become a Man.
1. Fix a toilet. Or install a garbage disposer. Or garage door opener.
2. Shoot a gun. Bonus points if you kill it and eat it. Fishing can possibly substitute.
3. Have a serious girl friend.
4. Change the brake pads on your car. Or change a flat tire for someone who can't.
5. Get in a fight. Win or loos, but stand up for yourself or your friends.
6. Have a job that makes you sweat.
7. Learn to cook at least one dinner well enough to impress anyone. Bonus points if using coals or fire.
8. Know how to drive a manual transmission car. Or motorcycle. Anything with a clutch.
9. Make a trip to the ER as the result of an 'adventure'.
10.Develop the habit of always opening the door for women.
1. Fix a toilet. Or install a garbage disposer. Or garage door opener.
2. Shoot a gun. Bonus points if you kill it and eat it. Fishing can possibly substitute.
3. Have a serious girl friend.
4. Change the brake pads on your car. Or change a flat tire for someone who can't.
5. Get in a fight. Win or loos, but stand up for yourself or your friends.
6. Have a job that makes you sweat.
7. Learn to cook at least one dinner well enough to impress anyone. Bonus points if using coals or fire.
8. Know how to drive a manual transmission car. Or motorcycle. Anything with a clutch.
9. Make a trip to the ER as the result of an 'adventure'.
10.Develop the habit of always opening the door for women.
A Rowdy Resume
Rowdy*
123 Awesome Ave
Sun Diego, Kali
1-800-AWINNER
Skills
-To detect and exceed the limits of tire adhesion in both main vehicle types, automobiles and motorcycles. I also specialize in the non-motorized class of mountain bikes.
-Drinking a 2 quart pitcher of Kool-Aide in one try. I can also augment this with a greater than human ability to consume other forms of refined sugar in both liquid and solid state i.e.: licorice, Hot Tamales, marshmallows, sour Gummy anything, Rice Krispy Treats, angel food cake.
-Experience in hiking, camping, wilderness survival, fire starting, hunting, map reading, compass and GPS usage, water purification.
-An extensive knowledge of rap music from 1984 to 1990. This is allied with ownership of the soundtrack for Beat Street in album form and viewings of Breakin' and Breakin' Two Electric Boogaloo in theaters.
-Three years study of chokes, joint submissions and throws as related to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and its practical application in competition and less official settings.
-Practical shooting skills with all major firearm types rifle, shotgun and pistol.
-Amateur Donald Duck impersonator.
-I make the best beef jerky and smoked salmon that anyone has ever tasted. Ever.
-An introductory knowledge of scuba, surfing, sky diving, auto maintenance, snow boarding, rock climbing, tennis, snorkeling and Gran Turismo.
Qualifications
-Greater than 10 speeding tickets since my original drivers license.
-Participation and medaling in SCCA Solo 2 autocross in Oregon, California and Arizona. Completion of Skip Barber Racing School at Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca. Completion of Porsche Club of America San Diego Region Performance Driving School.
-Eagle Scout
-Medalist Pan American Jiu Jitsu Championship 2009, 2010. Medalist Abu Dhabi Pro West Coast Qualifier 2009.
-EMT-B certification. Licensed Nuclear Medicine Technologist.
-Participation in multiple motorcycle track days.
-Formal education in French, Spanish, and Russian. Conversant in neither. Introductory knowledge of Italian, Japanese and Arabic.
-Working as a civilian in a war zone, 2007.
-Multiple series Super-D top 3 overall position holder 2009.
-Possession of valid US passport, but only 12 available entry and exit spots open.
*Only one name. Like Conan, Dracula, He-Man.
So what do you think? What am I really suited for?
Looking at my resume I don't think there is any sort of traditional job I am suited for. It is interesting to think of how people have described me over time, or what traits they would have ascribed to me.
I went through phases of being the tough kid, the sick kid, the striver, the dreamer, the partier, the lost one, the studious one, the fun guy, the dare devil, the player to now the master of fun-employment. Looking at my current "rowdy" resume I really do question what I can do for a 'real' job.... Making me nostalgic for other times in my career. (only kinda)
Nostalgia: A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
As you can't really be nostalgic for the time you live in, I'm going to select the late 90's with the end of college and the early 2000's with all my moves and experiencing soo many different parts of Arizona and California.
And while a majority of what I do is focused on physical pursuits I do not have to succumb to a weightless, substance-less existence. Don't worry, this Rowdy is not going to devolve during this time.
I am substance. Or am I just trying to convince myself?
123 Awesome Ave
Sun Diego, Kali
1-800-AWINNER
Skills
-To detect and exceed the limits of tire adhesion in both main vehicle types, automobiles and motorcycles. I also specialize in the non-motorized class of mountain bikes.
-Drinking a 2 quart pitcher of Kool-Aide in one try. I can also augment this with a greater than human ability to consume other forms of refined sugar in both liquid and solid state i.e.: licorice, Hot Tamales, marshmallows, sour Gummy anything, Rice Krispy Treats, angel food cake.
-Experience in hiking, camping, wilderness survival, fire starting, hunting, map reading, compass and GPS usage, water purification.
-An extensive knowledge of rap music from 1984 to 1990. This is allied with ownership of the soundtrack for Beat Street in album form and viewings of Breakin' and Breakin' Two Electric Boogaloo in theaters.
-Three years study of chokes, joint submissions and throws as related to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and its practical application in competition and less official settings.
-Practical shooting skills with all major firearm types rifle, shotgun and pistol.
-Amateur Donald Duck impersonator.
-I make the best beef jerky and smoked salmon that anyone has ever tasted. Ever.
-An introductory knowledge of scuba, surfing, sky diving, auto maintenance, snow boarding, rock climbing, tennis, snorkeling and Gran Turismo.
Qualifications
-Greater than 10 speeding tickets since my original drivers license.
-Participation and medaling in SCCA Solo 2 autocross in Oregon, California and Arizona. Completion of Skip Barber Racing School at Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca. Completion of Porsche Club of America San Diego Region Performance Driving School.
-Eagle Scout
-Medalist Pan American Jiu Jitsu Championship 2009, 2010. Medalist Abu Dhabi Pro West Coast Qualifier 2009.
-EMT-B certification. Licensed Nuclear Medicine Technologist.
-Participation in multiple motorcycle track days.
-Formal education in French, Spanish, and Russian. Conversant in neither. Introductory knowledge of Italian, Japanese and Arabic.
-Working as a civilian in a war zone, 2007.
-Multiple series Super-D top 3 overall position holder 2009.
-Possession of valid US passport, but only 12 available entry and exit spots open.
*Only one name. Like Conan, Dracula, He-Man.
So what do you think? What am I really suited for?
Looking at my resume I don't think there is any sort of traditional job I am suited for. It is interesting to think of how people have described me over time, or what traits they would have ascribed to me.
I went through phases of being the tough kid, the sick kid, the striver, the dreamer, the partier, the lost one, the studious one, the fun guy, the dare devil, the player to now the master of fun-employment. Looking at my current "rowdy" resume I really do question what I can do for a 'real' job.... Making me nostalgic for other times in my career. (only kinda)
Nostalgia: A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
As you can't really be nostalgic for the time you live in, I'm going to select the late 90's with the end of college and the early 2000's with all my moves and experiencing soo many different parts of Arizona and California.
And while a majority of what I do is focused on physical pursuits I do not have to succumb to a weightless, substance-less existence. Don't worry, this Rowdy is not going to devolve during this time.
I am substance. Or am I just trying to convince myself?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
If? If!
Meeting with surgeon today. Couple of quotes from that meeting. None of this was said smilingly or with a joking tone.
#1
Rowdy-"When will my surgery be to fix all this?
Dr-"April"
R-"You better be kidding, or else you aren't leaving this room."
Dr-"How long do you think it would be before people came into the room if that happened?"
R-"About 25 seconds, but I can do what I need to in that time."
Dr-"Hmmmm. All I can think is maybe pulling your jacket over your head"
R-"That's ok, I can still do what I want"
Dr-"Ok, December."
#2
Rowdy-"So what sort of complications could happen from this next surgery. No one told what could happen this last time and look what I woke up with. What are the chances of me waking up with something screwed up again?"
Dr-"If it's any consolation I looked at the numbers and you are the only patient this has ever happened to with me."
Rowdy-"So what if it does again then??"
Dr-"Well, sue me and the hospital and get tons of cash."
Rowdy-"I will."
#3
Dr-"You might not want to know this, but one of my friends in college wrote an episode of Law & Order SVU. It was about a child molester and they needed and evil sounding name, so he used mine"
Rowdy-"He was right."
#1
Rowdy-"When will my surgery be to fix all this?
Dr-"April"
R-"You better be kidding, or else you aren't leaving this room."
Dr-"How long do you think it would be before people came into the room if that happened?"
R-"About 25 seconds, but I can do what I need to in that time."
Dr-"Hmmmm. All I can think is maybe pulling your jacket over your head"
R-"That's ok, I can still do what I want"
Dr-"Ok, December."
#2
Rowdy-"So what sort of complications could happen from this next surgery. No one told what could happen this last time and look what I woke up with. What are the chances of me waking up with something screwed up again?"
Dr-"If it's any consolation I looked at the numbers and you are the only patient this has ever happened to with me."
Rowdy-"So what if it does again then??"
Dr-"Well, sue me and the hospital and get tons of cash."
Rowdy-"I will."
#3
Dr-"You might not want to know this, but one of my friends in college wrote an episode of Law & Order SVU. It was about a child molester and they needed and evil sounding name, so he used mine"
Rowdy-"He was right."
IDC
I don't care what anyone says, a sponge bath is not fun. Nor relaxing. Nor sexy. It is an annoying, pitiful substitute to the real glory of a shower. A long, hot, steam filled, high water pressure shower.
Sponge baths are the Gizmo, Scrappy Do, Ogee, Gleek, Orco crappy sidekicks to the super heroes of cleaning Hot Shower, Hot Bath and Epsom Salt Bath. Whose real sidekicks are wash cloth, scrub brush, soap, shampoo.
You get the picture. I'd take a picture. You know I will/would.....
Sponge baths are the Gizmo, Scrappy Do, Ogee, Gleek, Orco crappy sidekicks to the super heroes of cleaning Hot Shower, Hot Bath and Epsom Salt Bath. Whose real sidekicks are wash cloth, scrub brush, soap, shampoo.
You get the picture. I'd take a picture. You know I will/would.....
Sunday, October 24, 2010
throw away post
ways i've needed a new cell phone:
-i had my first cell phone in 1999. i kept it until almost 2001. i changed it simply because of the advances in that time. i didn't want 2nd tier technology.
-dropping it in toilet
-spilling chocolate milk all over it
-falling out of the storage under the seat or out of my pocket while riding motorcycles. one of each.
-crappy phone that just stopped working. 3 different times.
-dropping it 33 too many times.
-battery failure in an old model that no longer had parts or support.
so in the past 10 years i've had at least 12 phones. that's how they get ya..... maybe i should start buying the insurance.....
Sporty cars I have driven:
Porsche Cayman S
Porsche 911 in 996 and 997 versions
Lotus Elise
Subaru WRX in normal and STI versions
Toyota MR2, the first gen.
Honda CRX
Acura RSX
Doge Viper, 3rd gen
BMW M3
Porsche Boxster S
Nissan 300ZX
Mazda Miata
highest fever i've had:
103.4 F
longest plane flights i've been on:
Kuwait City to Washington DC for 22 hours
Los Angeles to Taipei Taiwan for 16 hours
longest mountain bike ride:
34 miles
fastest i've ran one mile
6:02.00
number of pull ups without stopping:
19
hardest climb:
5.10c at Smith Rock up in Oregon
-i had my first cell phone in 1999. i kept it until almost 2001. i changed it simply because of the advances in that time. i didn't want 2nd tier technology.
-dropping it in toilet
-spilling chocolate milk all over it
-falling out of the storage under the seat or out of my pocket while riding motorcycles. one of each.
-crappy phone that just stopped working. 3 different times.
-dropping it 33 too many times.
-battery failure in an old model that no longer had parts or support.
so in the past 10 years i've had at least 12 phones. that's how they get ya..... maybe i should start buying the insurance.....
Sporty cars I have driven:
Porsche Cayman S
Porsche 911 in 996 and 997 versions
Lotus Elise
Subaru WRX in normal and STI versions
Toyota MR2, the first gen.
Honda CRX
Acura RSX
Doge Viper, 3rd gen
BMW M3
Porsche Boxster S
Nissan 300ZX
Mazda Miata
highest fever i've had:
103.4 F
longest plane flights i've been on:
Kuwait City to Washington DC for 22 hours
Los Angeles to Taipei Taiwan for 16 hours
longest mountain bike ride:
34 miles
fastest i've ran one mile
6:02.00
number of pull ups without stopping:
19
hardest climb:
5.10c at Smith Rock up in Oregon
Friday, October 22, 2010
St Helens, Krakatoa, Vesuvius, Penetubo, Mazama
So I feel like I have been ignored by my surgeon in this stage of my care. Since it seems he is unwilling to make an office visit appointment I email him weekly updates that are actually ignored by him and responded to by one of his nurses. Whom I did not email. The other physicians of mine I email answer me directly, personally. Not this guy, ever.
In my email today a little bit of hyperbole about how I felt caused me to receive 3 calls from his nurses. Not him. I'm writing him, not some freaking nurse I've never met. I want the person who has actually had their hands inside me talking to me, not some low level office functionary. Which is frankly how I do view an office nurse.
This, having to change my bag today, not having showered for almost a week, not being able to do a single damn thing I enjoy have all just built up inside me.
And I am not even half way through this step of the process........
The level of capital A Anger, frustration, loathing and inability to make any difference in the situation are rising to volcanic levels. The only thing stopping me from going on an spree of utter destruction in epic proportions to myself, others and anything around me is the knowledge in how that would dissapoint all who care about me.
I may not act it out, but I still have these feelings at a level I haven't felt in years.
In my email today a little bit of hyperbole about how I felt caused me to receive 3 calls from his nurses. Not him. I'm writing him, not some freaking nurse I've never met. I want the person who has actually had their hands inside me talking to me, not some low level office functionary. Which is frankly how I do view an office nurse.
This, having to change my bag today, not having showered for almost a week, not being able to do a single damn thing I enjoy have all just built up inside me.
And I am not even half way through this step of the process........
The level of capital A Anger, frustration, loathing and inability to make any difference in the situation are rising to volcanic levels. The only thing stopping me from going on an spree of utter destruction in epic proportions to myself, others and anything around me is the knowledge in how that would dissapoint all who care about me.
I may not act it out, but I still have these feelings at a level I haven't felt in years.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Last night I left the house! Can you believe it!!! I had to go out with my TPN backpack and such, but I still did it. I'm not comfortable really driving any distance how I am right now, so Super D drove me.
Where do you think I wanted to go? HA! You're right!!!
So I woke up with a new kind of energy. I shaved, made the bed (sorta), washed my hair, changed clothes, gave myself all my meds, started laundry, did some silly exercises since I can't lift or do anything I just basically moved my arms through the air doing the motions a bunch.
I have been spending 11 hours a day in front of the computer, tv or playstation ever single day. In one spot on the couch. I do get up and get the mail, eat and other stuff so it's not like I'm immobile the whole day, but it is spent entirely staring at a screen.
I blame it on the weather. When it was sunny I would go out and paint and such. Bring back the sun dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I am going to watch jiu jitsu instructional dvds and play my favorite car racing came on the ps3. I am going to try and avoid watching the tv and just sitting here letting time pass me by. If I'm sitting on the couch I need to be engaged. It is also time to break out the Brazilian Portuguese Rosetta Stone series and start working on that too.
A way better choice than hour after hour of CSI and Law and Order, don't you think?
Where do you think I wanted to go? HA! You're right!!!
So I woke up with a new kind of energy. I shaved, made the bed (sorta), washed my hair, changed clothes, gave myself all my meds, started laundry, did some silly exercises since I can't lift or do anything I just basically moved my arms through the air doing the motions a bunch.
I have been spending 11 hours a day in front of the computer, tv or playstation ever single day. In one spot on the couch. I do get up and get the mail, eat and other stuff so it's not like I'm immobile the whole day, but it is spent entirely staring at a screen.
I blame it on the weather. When it was sunny I would go out and paint and such. Bring back the sun dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I am going to watch jiu jitsu instructional dvds and play my favorite car racing came on the ps3. I am going to try and avoid watching the tv and just sitting here letting time pass me by. If I'm sitting on the couch I need to be engaged. It is also time to break out the Brazilian Portuguese Rosetta Stone series and start working on that too.
A way better choice than hour after hour of CSI and Law and Order, don't you think?
Not a rock and a hard place but a soft and a comfy space.
Yesterday I wrote a quick note about two tough choices. Sell my bike and go to Brazil or not sell my bike and maybe go to Brazil. Argh. A very good reason to use the title I did from classical mythology.
That got me thinking, what about if you had to choose between two good things? Remember back to the 90's when you would be in Blockbuster holding a VHS tape in each hand and trying to decide which one to pick? Classic example of what I mean. (Though I think most of us ended up picking a 3rd movie to get a "buy two get one free" sort of promotion. So often you never had to make the decision.)
In my semi-lucid sleep state last night I decided to think of how many win-win types of choices I could and then pick what for me is the winner of both winners. As part of the mental exercise, since they are both winners and if you pick one, the other one is NEVER an option for you again, because you're picking a winner no matter what it shouldn't matter. Right?
WINNER VS WINNER
motorcycle vs car. The car wins. Though I do have a strong love for bikes, they are recreational for me. As I stated, if I can only have one, I'm gonna choose cars.
bacon vs sausage. Sausage. I'm not sure how I could argue my point on this one though.
shower vs bath. Shower. No contest in my book. Though I wonder if this would exclude me from hot tubs, the ocean, swimming pools and what not....??? Guess I would have to make it in the house specific rather than 'sprayed water' versus 'contained water'.
Rolling Stones vs Beatles. The Rolling Stones.
family vs friends. Family. Argh, I hate this choice. Good friends are priceless and develop in such a unique way from your familial relationships. Push come to shove and I have to grab one group or the other to escape in my rocket ship from the alien invasion I am gonna grab family.
surfing vs snowboarding. Snowboarding. I like that it is more repeatable and you can't drown. But I would miss the beach and it's attendant wonders badly.
video games vs movies vs tv. Movies win. I can still go out and still watch things at home. Movies for sure.
What do you think??
That got me thinking, what about if you had to choose between two good things? Remember back to the 90's when you would be in Blockbuster holding a VHS tape in each hand and trying to decide which one to pick? Classic example of what I mean. (Though I think most of us ended up picking a 3rd movie to get a "buy two get one free" sort of promotion. So often you never had to make the decision.)
In my semi-lucid sleep state last night I decided to think of how many win-win types of choices I could and then pick what for me is the winner of both winners. As part of the mental exercise, since they are both winners and if you pick one, the other one is NEVER an option for you again, because you're picking a winner no matter what it shouldn't matter. Right?
WINNER VS WINNER
motorcycle vs car. The car wins. Though I do have a strong love for bikes, they are recreational for me. As I stated, if I can only have one, I'm gonna choose cars.
bacon vs sausage. Sausage. I'm not sure how I could argue my point on this one though.
shower vs bath. Shower. No contest in my book. Though I wonder if this would exclude me from hot tubs, the ocean, swimming pools and what not....??? Guess I would have to make it in the house specific rather than 'sprayed water' versus 'contained water'.
Rolling Stones vs Beatles. The Rolling Stones.
family vs friends. Family. Argh, I hate this choice. Good friends are priceless and develop in such a unique way from your familial relationships. Push come to shove and I have to grab one group or the other to escape in my rocket ship from the alien invasion I am gonna grab family.
surfing vs snowboarding. Snowboarding. I like that it is more repeatable and you can't drown. But I would miss the beach and it's attendant wonders badly.
video games vs movies vs tv. Movies win. I can still go out and still watch things at home. Movies for sure.
What do you think??
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Caught between Scilla and Charybdis
I really really want to go to Brazil next year, but I don't have much of a spare income for this sort of thing.
So................ I'm thinking about selling my motorcycle to fund this trip.
It seems I do love jiu jitsu more than motorcyling at this stage. Or I at least spend more time doing JJ than I do riding.
Torn torn torn.
What do you think?
So................ I'm thinking about selling my motorcycle to fund this trip.
It seems I do love jiu jitsu more than motorcyling at this stage. Or I at least spend more time doing JJ than I do riding.
Torn torn torn.
What do you think?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Hmmm, help me decide.
I need a new mattress!! It is as if where I sleep has become a dugout canoe. I try to sleep anywhere else on my bed and I roll into the canyon I seem to have created over the past 5 years.
This is not good, this is not right. (One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish.)
So, I want a firm mattress. I want it to not wear out. I want queen size. I want ZERO sag. And no memory foam. I had one before and it felt like sleeping on bundled rags.
Any suggestions?? Money really no object.
This is not good, this is not right. (One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish.)
So, I want a firm mattress. I want it to not wear out. I want queen size. I want ZERO sag. And no memory foam. I had one before and it felt like sleeping on bundled rags.
Any suggestions?? Money really no object.
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Saturday, October 16, 2010
Why I can't and why I can. **Graphic Photo**
This is why I can't:
take a shower but once or twice a week
sleep on my stomach
practice jiu jitsu
ride my motorcycle
go to church
go for a mountain bike ride
swim
leave the house
have sex
eat fruits or vegetables
exercise at all/lift anything over 5lbs
stay hydrated
wear the clothes I want
eat anything with a high sugar or potassium content
have a job
drive.
**
I have a fancy IV that goes from my left arm to almost my heart. It is my life line and nothing bad can happen to it. I am hooked up to it in someway or another for up to 18 hours in a day. I also have an ileostomy. So that is where everything I eat or drink ends up. I have to change that bag and everything twice a week. It is not fun. I also have that big open scar down the middle of my belly. My abdominal muscles have been cut through 7 times now. You should have seen this wound a month ago, this is beautiful in comparison.
**
This is why I can:
nap during the day
take pain pills
play video games
read whatever I want
be on the internet
have a mini fridge and dresser full of medical supplies
have a nurse come to my house 2 or 3 times a week
sit in the driveway and paint
watch lots of dvd's and tv
loose weight
learn patience
have faith and hope/pray lots
learn who is really concerned about me.
I wish I could mash these two lists together and pick only the best. But that's not how my life is supposed to be right now. So chin up, eyes open, face forward and doing what I need to do. With lots of help from others and hope and faith in something greater than myself.
take a shower but once or twice a week
sleep on my stomach
practice jiu jitsu
ride my motorcycle
go to church
go for a mountain bike ride
swim
leave the house
have sex
eat fruits or vegetables
exercise at all/lift anything over 5lbs
stay hydrated
wear the clothes I want
eat anything with a high sugar or potassium content
have a job
drive.
**
I have a fancy IV that goes from my left arm to almost my heart. It is my life line and nothing bad can happen to it. I am hooked up to it in someway or another for up to 18 hours in a day. I also have an ileostomy. So that is where everything I eat or drink ends up. I have to change that bag and everything twice a week. It is not fun. I also have that big open scar down the middle of my belly. My abdominal muscles have been cut through 7 times now. You should have seen this wound a month ago, this is beautiful in comparison.
**This is why I can:
nap during the day
take pain pills
play video games
read whatever I want
be on the internet
have a mini fridge and dresser full of medical supplies
have a nurse come to my house 2 or 3 times a week
sit in the driveway and paint
watch lots of dvd's and tv
loose weight
learn patience
have faith and hope/pray lots
learn who is really concerned about me.
I wish I could mash these two lists together and pick only the best. But that's not how my life is supposed to be right now. So chin up, eyes open, face forward and doing what I need to do. With lots of help from others and hope and faith in something greater than myself.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
And this is why I can't play video games...
I love racing games. I'm getting a steering wheel next!!
"The horror! The horror!" -Kurtz.
One of my favorite authors is Joseph Conrad. While I enjoy almost all of his novels it seems most people are only familiar with Heart of Darkness, from which the above quote originates. And is appropriate for what I'll write next....
If I did not have family I don't think I would have chose to live through this.
Now don't get alarmed. It is just a statement. Not a plan or a cry for help.
While I talk about all the things I want to do when I get better those things are just stuff I enjoy. They make life fun. But to have a reason to live I need more than that. And that "that" is my family.
My life has been amazing. I have experienced more than 90% of the people I know. It really is just amazing. But I have also experienced many horrible things as well. Illness, unemployment, disease, divorces (yes, that's a plural), loss, injury, rejection, bankruptcy, depression.
Right now, I think how I felt during my divorces is the only thing equal to these past few months. The only thing deeper in life, with more meaning for me is family. They are what keeps me going. They are my reason. They are my life.
And because of them, I am going to keep living my life.
All I have ever wanted was to be a better man. Someone who did the right thing, stood up for others, made people smile and have fun. A man with something interesting to share no matter who I am with or talking to. A person who gives more to the world than they take. A man with passion, who lived, loved and excelled at what he does. This is the life I strive for.
Family, I love you. And I owe you more thanks than you will ever know.
If I did not have family I don't think I would have chose to live through this.
Now don't get alarmed. It is just a statement. Not a plan or a cry for help.
While I talk about all the things I want to do when I get better those things are just stuff I enjoy. They make life fun. But to have a reason to live I need more than that. And that "that" is my family.
My life has been amazing. I have experienced more than 90% of the people I know. It really is just amazing. But I have also experienced many horrible things as well. Illness, unemployment, disease, divorces (yes, that's a plural), loss, injury, rejection, bankruptcy, depression.
Right now, I think how I felt during my divorces is the only thing equal to these past few months. The only thing deeper in life, with more meaning for me is family. They are what keeps me going. They are my reason. They are my life.
And because of them, I am going to keep living my life.
All I have ever wanted was to be a better man. Someone who did the right thing, stood up for others, made people smile and have fun. A man with something interesting to share no matter who I am with or talking to. A person who gives more to the world than they take. A man with passion, who lived, loved and excelled at what he does. This is the life I strive for.
Family, I love you. And I owe you more thanks than you will ever know.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Oh, you are an endangered species. You are very rare.
Yep, the above title is a direct quote from one of my nurses a few weeks ago. And since she singled me out on appearance I will do the same and say she was Chinese.
What caused her to say this? The fact that I have red hair and a cleft chin. Evidently two rare, less than 1.0% of the world's population for either and I am sure much less in combination.
Doing a quick bit of searching I find she is somewhat correct. Geneticists are saying there is going to be a massive reduction in the number of redheads by 2060 to 2100.
I guess I really am unique. A dying breed.
Her manner of speaking lead me to infer that she thought having red hair and a cleft chin were positive things. And that rarely seems to be the case. Heck, even I find 80% of most redheads totally unattractive. I think I've only ever even kissed one.
Are there specific groups that have a thing for redheads????
My neighbors that are gay used to tease me when I worked at the UCSD in North Park to watch out as there is a large subculture in their community who digs red hair. I've also had a large number of black women compliment me on my hair color. I don't understand it.....
What do you think??????
Nor do I get the , "Oh, you're Irish huh?" comments. Scotland has the largest percentage of their population, 13%, as red heads. But I know my genetic history.
This is the genesis of my red hair, Norwegian vikings.
Not this.
What caused her to say this? The fact that I have red hair and a cleft chin. Evidently two rare, less than 1.0% of the world's population for either and I am sure much less in combination.
Doing a quick bit of searching I find she is somewhat correct. Geneticists are saying there is going to be a massive reduction in the number of redheads by 2060 to 2100.
I guess I really am unique. A dying breed.
Her manner of speaking lead me to infer that she thought having red hair and a cleft chin were positive things. And that rarely seems to be the case. Heck, even I find 80% of most redheads totally unattractive. I think I've only ever even kissed one.
Are there specific groups that have a thing for redheads????
My neighbors that are gay used to tease me when I worked at the UCSD in North Park to watch out as there is a large subculture in their community who digs red hair. I've also had a large number of black women compliment me on my hair color. I don't understand it.....
What do you think??????
Nor do I get the , "Oh, you're Irish huh?" comments. Scotland has the largest percentage of their population, 13%, as red heads. But I know my genetic history.
This is the genesis of my red hair, Norwegian vikings.
Not this.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Morgan. My guilty pleasure #12
Let's just get this out in the open. I'm vain. To a point I really just like to dress casually and simply but I am concerned about what I look like. I want to look young, healthy and fit.
So normally I just do my thing in jeans and a t-shirt, very So-Cal style. But where soo many guys are content to rock the scruff unkempt look I have to get my hair cut "just so." That is why I cut it myself for years. And would go to the same person over and over no matter what if I found someone I like.
And here in San Diego I have found someone I like. Her name is Morgan and she currently is at Rinse Salon near North Park.
As I am homebound for months and since I can't engage in guilty pleasure #1, long hot showers, but once a week I really really needed GP#12!!
I texted her from the hospital and we set up an appointment for just a few days after I got home. We set everything up in the garage and she cut my hair exactly as I wanted. I love her!
Much of our enjoyment of life is in feeling good about ourselves. Confidence. Looking good often equals feeling good. My body may be jacked up right now, but I can at least face it, with a good looking face.
So normally I just do my thing in jeans and a t-shirt, very So-Cal style. But where soo many guys are content to rock the scruff unkempt look I have to get my hair cut "just so." That is why I cut it myself for years. And would go to the same person over and over no matter what if I found someone I like.
And here in San Diego I have found someone I like. Her name is Morgan and she currently is at Rinse Salon near North Park.
As I am homebound for months and since I can't engage in guilty pleasure #1, long hot showers, but once a week I really really needed GP#12!!
I texted her from the hospital and we set up an appointment for just a few days after I got home. We set everything up in the garage and she cut my hair exactly as I wanted. I love her!
Much of our enjoyment of life is in feeling good about ourselves. Confidence. Looking good often equals feeling good. My body may be jacked up right now, but I can at least face it, with a good looking face.
Friday, October 8, 2010
a battle won, the war still rages
i just won a two day hospital battle with dehydration. the war will continue till december when the next scheduled action, surgery, is to take place.
i'm sure the enemy will try to attack me again before then, he has many weapons. but i also plan on winning, so will always fight back.
in fact i'm secretly introducing some new tactics now.
this battle may be over......... let's be vigilant and ready for whatever may come next!
i'm sure the enemy will try to attack me again before then, he has many weapons. but i also plan on winning, so will always fight back.
in fact i'm secretly introducing some new tactics now.
this battle may be over......... let's be vigilant and ready for whatever may come next!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I have talked about how onerous my day is in my home medical treatment but never really broke it down exactly. I'm going to now. I wish I was wealthy enough to pay someone to do ALL of this, so that I didn't have to do ANY of it to myself at all. Other than actually swallow the pills.
6am: injection. pills. powder.
7am: dressing change.
9am: disconnect from TPN.
10am: pills. check blood sugar.
12pm: home health nurse visit Mon and Thurs.
2pm: injection. pills. powder.
4pm: check blood sugar. prepare TPN. change ostomy bag Mon and Fri.
5pm: connect to TPN.
6pm: pills.
7pm: dressing change.
10pm: injection. pills. powder.
I also am emptying my ostomy bag of its contents at least once an hour, 24/7. So I have a few hour breaks here and there but yeah.... You can see why this is an ordeal and I didn't even list what it actually takes to perform some of these steps.
I can't wait till my next surgery and this is over!
******************************************
Today's Jeopardy answer; A great cleaning device. A great rapper. My personal mantra when dealing with little personal annoyances.
The question; What is QTIP?
******************************************
What I am most fervently praying for right now,for my Crohns to go into permanent remission and to only have the desire to do good.
6am: injection. pills. powder.
7am: dressing change.
9am: disconnect from TPN.
10am: pills. check blood sugar.
12pm: home health nurse visit Mon and Thurs.
2pm: injection. pills. powder.
4pm: check blood sugar. prepare TPN. change ostomy bag Mon and Fri.
5pm: connect to TPN.
6pm: pills.
7pm: dressing change.
10pm: injection. pills. powder.
I also am emptying my ostomy bag of its contents at least once an hour, 24/7. So I have a few hour breaks here and there but yeah.... You can see why this is an ordeal and I didn't even list what it actually takes to perform some of these steps.
I can't wait till my next surgery and this is over!
******************************************
Today's Jeopardy answer; A great cleaning device. A great rapper. My personal mantra when dealing with little personal annoyances.
The question; What is QTIP?
******************************************
What I am most fervently praying for right now,for my Crohns to go into permanent remission and to only have the desire to do good.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
odd.....
right now here are the odd things for me......
"food" goes in my arm
"poop" comes out of my stomach
fruits and veggies are bad to eat
any exercise more than walking is too much
showering is not good, but keeping my healing wound wet is ideal
on the face of it, all of these things seem very odd. i feel like one big joke is being played on me. i know this isn't really an example of things that are good being made to appear bad and vice-versa.
it does intrigue as what can be taken for a "rule" one day is totally wrong the next but then only to be followed down the road later.
so it makes me very thankful for the things that are unchanging and eternal. while being a rowdy kind of guy part of me really enjoys change and spontaneity. but when things are bad, tough, hurtful and so forth i really like constants. for me, this is mainly found in my religious beliefs and practices.
Hebrews 13:6 "...The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me"
Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever."
"food" goes in my arm
"poop" comes out of my stomach
fruits and veggies are bad to eat
any exercise more than walking is too much
showering is not good, but keeping my healing wound wet is ideal
on the face of it, all of these things seem very odd. i feel like one big joke is being played on me. i know this isn't really an example of things that are good being made to appear bad and vice-versa.
it does intrigue as what can be taken for a "rule" one day is totally wrong the next but then only to be followed down the road later.
so it makes me very thankful for the things that are unchanging and eternal. while being a rowdy kind of guy part of me really enjoys change and spontaneity. but when things are bad, tough, hurtful and so forth i really like constants. for me, this is mainly found in my religious beliefs and practices.
Hebrews 13:6 "...The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me"
Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever."
Monday, October 4, 2010
good and bad
the bad:
it rained today.
both lab tech and home health nurse are hours late. i'm glad they called.
my ostomy bag came loose this morning and i had to change it by myself and i did a poor job. sadly it is not as easy as just press and seal.
my iv pump is still having issues.
i have to make 3 phone calls to different health places to get stuff set up. i hate the phone.
i can't shower everyday.
i can only wear shorts and tank tops. good thing i live in san diego.
i worry my family will tire of caring for me.
the good:
it is a pleasant temperature inside the house.
i slept well.
i organized and put away all my medical supplies.
i did 3 loads of laundry.
i'm getting my hair cut this week.
i'm no longer loosing weight.
tuesday and thursday are designated video game playing days.
many people pray and think and are concerned for me. i feel and appreciate it.
it rained today.
both lab tech and home health nurse are hours late. i'm glad they called.
my ostomy bag came loose this morning and i had to change it by myself and i did a poor job. sadly it is not as easy as just press and seal.
my iv pump is still having issues.
i have to make 3 phone calls to different health places to get stuff set up. i hate the phone.
i can't shower everyday.
i can only wear shorts and tank tops. good thing i live in san diego.
i worry my family will tire of caring for me.
the good:
it is a pleasant temperature inside the house.
i slept well.
i organized and put away all my medical supplies.
i did 3 loads of laundry.
i'm getting my hair cut this week.
i'm no longer loosing weight.
tuesday and thursday are designated video game playing days.
many people pray and think and are concerned for me. i feel and appreciate it.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The Face of my Reality
If C Bale ever needs an understudy for a sequel to The Machinist I think I could qualify...
Friday, October 1, 2010
the short answer
Sept 12: Remicade as an outpatient in the hospital for 4 hours.
Sept 13: Scheduled surgery to resect bad part of intestine.
Sept 18: Taken to the Emergency Room with severe pain, fever, chills.
Sept 19: With a white count of over 30 and my CT scan results it was of to the operating room for emergency surgery. My surgery inside had came apart and leaked into my gut. Inflammation and infection on an amazing level.
Sept 20: Learn I am going to be on TPN, have a PICC line, have an ileostomy bag, test my blood sugar, have an open wound with my mucus fistula in the middle of it and be on a crap load of pills and injections. Until December when hopefully I get another surgery to reverse all of this.
Sept 28: Acquire 3 fungal infections on top of it as well.
Oct 1: I'm released home with the above mentioned stuff and many ups and downs. Like down to 124llbs.
That is where I have been, that is all the worst case scenario stuff that has happened. I'm at home now though, under virtual house arrest as I am connected to stuff that cant leave the house the whole time. Hopefully in 2 or 3 weeks my wound will be healed and that will be one less thing.
So what am I going to do? I can't really leave the house and cant lift anything over like 5lbs. Heck, I can only shower 3 times a week!!
-get a PS3 and play games
-write more
-read the Bible and such
-build a RC monster truck
-start painting watercolors.
I'm back! Thanks for your love, prayer and concerns.
Sept 13: Scheduled surgery to resect bad part of intestine.
Sept 18: Taken to the Emergency Room with severe pain, fever, chills.
Sept 19: With a white count of over 30 and my CT scan results it was of to the operating room for emergency surgery. My surgery inside had came apart and leaked into my gut. Inflammation and infection on an amazing level.
Sept 20: Learn I am going to be on TPN, have a PICC line, have an ileostomy bag, test my blood sugar, have an open wound with my mucus fistula in the middle of it and be on a crap load of pills and injections. Until December when hopefully I get another surgery to reverse all of this.
Sept 28: Acquire 3 fungal infections on top of it as well.
Oct 1: I'm released home with the above mentioned stuff and many ups and downs. Like down to 124llbs.
That is where I have been, that is all the worst case scenario stuff that has happened. I'm at home now though, under virtual house arrest as I am connected to stuff that cant leave the house the whole time. Hopefully in 2 or 3 weeks my wound will be healed and that will be one less thing.
So what am I going to do? I can't really leave the house and cant lift anything over like 5lbs. Heck, I can only shower 3 times a week!!
-get a PS3 and play games
-write more
-read the Bible and such
-build a RC monster truck
-start painting watercolors.
I'm back! Thanks for your love, prayer and concerns.
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