Inner Space

When you have something happen in your life that gives you time to reflect on and worry a little bit about it, a clarity can be reached.

The time I spent when I was working in Iraq taught me a certain level of patience I did not have previously in my personality. There were long periods of time where I was basically left alone with my thoughts and nothing physically to do. (waiting a few days for a flight living in the PAX terminal)

The two weeks in February I spent in the hospital with my Crohn's disease gave me plenty to think about and all the time to think. While in a semi-lucid state of sleep this morning much of it came together for me. Not the "meaning of life", as I really already know it, but how I would like things to be currently.

I want to be more consistent in following my moral guidelines and tenants of my religion. I do believe there is right and wrong and I want to do what is right, on all levels. Increasing this feeling and having the courage to act on it regularly is my primary goal and desire in living life. To be and do better.

The other side of this is corrections for mistakes made. Whether you believe in an energy balance, kharma and dharma, heaven and hell I want to make sure that I make use of whatever atonement is available to me, so that the mistakes I make and the wrongs I do to others, can for lack of a $10 word, be forgiven.

My skills, interest's and sense of personal development require that I get a certain level of satisfaction from my employment. Right now I have 3 or 4 options to pursue. I want to make the correct choice for my life and future, so this is something I am paying close attention to and focusing on as well in my life.

Finally, what brought this all to the forefront is my physical health. Thinking things through in the hospital and going over worst case scenario, nutritional cripple to best case scenario, everything calms down and I'm fine I definitely am more at the best case scenario end of the spectrum. I want to stay there! I do all I can within my power to keep my health the best it can be. My diet and exercise right now are getting fantastic in the level of positive change. Hopefully my prayers cover the rest. I would like to never be this sick again.