Death

So one of my part time jobs right now is teaching the Basic Rider Course so that people can get their motorcycle license in California. The basics of riding skills and safety. So it was unnerving last night to see this dead body under a plastic sheet. LINK TO STORY

I've been on a group ride where someone died in an accident. I know multiple people who've been paralyzed from motorcycle crashes.

But seeing that dead rider last night and then the S Korean ferry incident in the news; which was made stronger for me since Killer is living in S Korea, made me think about the effects of death and dieing in my life. Which really is sparse, so it I feel kind of nervous.

None of my friends or class mates died growing up. In high school two people I know had distant family members die, whom I'd never met, but I went to the funerals out of support. These were the first funerals I'd attended.

In college my paternal grandparents died. I didn't see them die, I wasn't in town when they died. I did attend both their funerals and gave the eulogy at my paternal grandmother's service. I don't think my dad has even placed their headstones over a decade later. Sad.

After college and at work I had a few patients die in my presence during medical procedures. I've personally seen people die from heart attacks and sepsis and pulmonary embolisms. But I didn't know them and it didn't really effect me emotionally.

Later both my maternal grandparents died. I didn't live in the same state as them, they were both ill and it wasn't really a surprise. I didn't attend either funeral though I was closer as a child to this set than the other. For which I do feel some guilt.

Basically my grandparents died when I was an adult and that's my sole experience with death in a close, touching way. Now, there have been times in my life where I thought I was going to die due to illness, injury or explosion but I don't think that really counts. It would have effected others much more than myself.

Which all makes me wonder what I will feel when a first order family member dies. Or one of the few close friends I know pass away. Or heck, anyone I might have known personally. I see grieving, stricken faces in news photos and feel sad seeing their anguish. So I really wonder what I'll feel and more nervously, wonder when it will be my turn???????