All I wanted was a Pepsi (massage)!!

I feel like an angry, petulant child right now. I slept horribly last night due to all the different stuff I watched right before bed that gave me horrible dreams and had me wake up skitish.

Then there was nothing but juice to drink for breakfast, and to get that I still had to go to the store this morning. Like the candy bar commercial, you're not yourself when you're hungry. So off to a good start.

I felt I needed it so I booked a 1pm massage today. Right at the last second, 1228 as I'm leaving to go to it, they call and tell me they are having plumbing issues in their building and I will be delayed an hour.

Part of my waiting I went to the beach for like 3 minutes to take pictures, but wading out and looking through the lens I didn't pay attention and got totally soaked in the just regular shorts I was wearing. RAWR, that is frustrating.

My plan was to go eat afterwards. You can't eat and then get a massage, it just doesn't work. So now I'm looking at lunch of 3pm. Well they kept pushing me back until at 3pm I said 'screw it' and it wasn't worth it to me.

So in the mean time I couldn't really do anything, as they expected to get me in, "any second". I'm angry 'cause I wasted almost a whole day. 4 waking hours of it. With no food, no massage. And 'cause I was waiting on someone else, which I ABSOLUTELY despise I wasn't able to do anything else.

No lunch with super d, nothing to do at the beach while waiting, no meeting friends at their lunch, not getting the massage I wanted in the first place. Which leads me now to wanting to smash dishes, kick small dogs and just generally tear stuff up. And since there is no food in the house I want at all the feeling is growing exponentially. And after wasting my time all day out and about for nothing, I don't want to go back out now that I'm home.

Basically I'm feeling miserable and soo angry my stomach is hurting from that feeling, as well as the lack of food.

View from inside

From someone in "it", here is what I think......

Reasons why "healthcare" is soo expensive:
-Torts. Lawsuits and malpractice insurance require higher costs.
-Three tiered payment system. You get, and whatever coverer you have, get charged a different amount for anything if you are paying cash, paying with MediCare/MediCal, or good private insurance.
-Uninsured. You have no insurance, so you never go to the doctor. Things get out of hand and you go to the emergency room. By law they have to treat you. You get stuff done that costs lots of money and you walk away. The hospital eats those costs and/or charges everyone else to make up for it.

So what do to? Kinda the opposite of what the problems are, in simple terms.

bad bad bmx racer

(no pictures of jiu jitsu, the middle part of my day of destruction. but i did good!)

breathe, balance, explode

yes, beating little kids

need to work on my attack position

look through the turn

suckiest surfer ever

tourmoline parking lot

730am, on a wednesday

looking out at it all

40 minutes "surfing", 5 seconds of non-fail

and i'm outta here!

Rowdar the Destroyer

I kinda wanna wear myself down tomorrow. Here is what I am thinking....

630am-go surfing for a hour. then breakfast.

900am-go to an hour of jiu jitsu practice.

1130am-lunch, much needed.

2pm-ride my bmx bike at the skate park. for my first time ever.

6pm-race bmx bike at the Kearny track.

Four different activities all through the day should about do it. Sea, mats and dirt. Awesome. B2BA.

Here is what really happened though.....
0730- I went surfing for 30 minutes till I got hit by the board and was just done with getting worked.

1000-  I go to jiu jitsu for 90 minutes. It went great! I was happy and am ready to go back more often. Though I did tear a huge chunk of skin off my toe, thanks Mt Whitney.

Lunch.

Not gonna do the skate park due to foot thingy.

700pm-racing bmx bike still.

Pics or it didn't happen!

My week, in my work outs.

Sunday-rest

Monday-rock climb at Vertical Hold. yoga at Pilgrimage of the Heart.

Tuesday-jiu jitsu at Atos.

Wednesday-bmx bike racing at Kearney Moto Park.

Thursday-weight lifting at home.

Friday-yoga again.

Saturday-downhill mnt bike race up at Big Bear/Rim Nordic

Mt Whitney Pics

Here are some quick pictures from the trip's video. I will probably make the full video tomorrow if you want to see my experience. Enjoy!

The Hardest Things I've Done List

Climbing Mt Whitney was super hard. Now that I am home and sitting on the couch looking at the videos I took, it seems much more pleasant. At one point on the trail I was having to convince myself to keep going, to not quit.

As part of that thinking I kept repeating, "just keep walking" and "just put foot one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walkin' out the door" in my mind to myself. I also thought about other physically hard things I've done and if this would be in the top 10. I think it is.

Here it is, from my oxygen starved mind at 14,000 here are the physically toughest things I've had to do in my life. (in no particular order of difficulty)

-Running a half marathon in 1:53 with no training and never having run farther than 5 miles before.
-Get walking again right after abdominal surgery.
-Climb Mt Whitney in 17 hours.
-Get up and moving again after my two worst bicycle crashes. One of which resulted in broken bones and the other in peeing blood for two days.
-Pushing my intestines back into my body.
-The first day back to jiu jitsu after years off.
-Running until I passed out in junior high wrestling practice.
-Committing to moves rock climbing, high off the ground and run out above my pro. (though this might be more mental toughness....)
-Staying awake for 3 days, only two hours of it in that time, in Iraq.
-Do 750 push-ups in 8 hours.

Adventure Time, Rowdy style

Yesterday I made it to the top of Mt. Whitney, the tallest mountain in the continental United States at almost 14,500 feet. It was an arduous hike of almost 17 hours. Remember a while ago when I said, "It's not an adventure unless something goes wrong"? Well, then this was an adventure for me.

-I was driving around looking at places to boulder the day before in the Alabama Hills area and got turned around and went down a dirt road meant for my truck, not for my sedan. To get out the problem I ended up leaving two long scratches down the entire passenger side of my car.

-I've climbed more than one mountain that is over 12,000 feet. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest goofing off in the Cascades, Wallowa and Blue mountains. For some reason I forgot what I know and ignored my own experience and advice when it comes to climbing and clothing. I have two different shells/jackets that are light and great for this sort of thing. I didn't bring them on the mountain with me. I ended up wearing every bit of clothing in my pack, two pairs of socks on my hands and still having a hard time dealing with the cold and wind.

-Water. The second time I stopped to fill up for water in a fast moving stream the end of the intake tube got caught in rocks and I could not retrieve it. So I had to cut the hose, losing the float, weight and pre filter. The very last time I wanted to fill up on water the o-ring for the pumping handle lost stiction and would not pump. Thankfully I was able to use someone's else pump in the party.

Coming down the 99 switchbacks I was out of water. At around 1pm. I was totally zombied! Slack jaw, stumbling, drooling. I sat down at a stream to get water. I lost my sock gloves. Stuff blew away out of my pack. The first time I filled up my water bottle I immediately knocked it over and dumped all the water out. I was despondent. But I got it together and refilled, drank and got back up and moving. It took me almost an hour to get back to normal. Later I added it all up I drank just over 2 gallons of water that day.

I can now say I have climbed the tallest mountain in the continental US. For a time, I was the tallest person in the US standing on top. 17 hours of physical agony, of which 6 were mentally trying as well, and I completed something I never have to do again.

Sumer Summer Summer Time!!

My ode in photos and words to the first day of summer, my favorite season. For weather.

Ride Your Motorcycle to Work Day was last week. I'm late, but still doing it!

And since we're talking about work. Being the first day of work and all, why not kick up my feet? Take it easy. And look out the window. Oh, I used to be able to see Cowles Mountain out of my window but the trees are too big now.

And as it's the first day of summer, why not have a delicious summery salad? No reason at all not to! Unless you are bbq-ing pork ribs. Then screw summer salad!

Shrimps were sauteed in butter, Sri Racha chili sauce, salt and tons of Old Bay.
Salad is green leaf lettuce, purple kale, red onion, avocado, green onion, cucumber, tomato, celery and with a chipotle ranch dressing.

Summer is soo awesome! Summer is the best. So you know what summer doesn't need? Any sort of supplement like this:

 

 And Summer is also for sports!!

Summer, isn't it awesome? Good weather, good holidays, good activities, good food, good clothes.

Hooray for the first day of SUMMER!!!!

 

I gotta say.....

Today was a good day.
-House keeper came. Roofing repair guy came. Always nice to have a clean house in good order.

-I got some good stuff for the Whitney climb that I will use again, at REI.

-I went indoor climbing/bouldering and did well. For not really trying to be good at it, but just goofing off. I also found out that if you volunteer to belay during parties, for each hour you do, they will give you a free day pass. In!!

-I ran two miles at an easy pace.

-The sun was shinning.

-I had a delicious tri-tip sandwich for lunch at a new place to me, Moto Deli, near the climbing gym. I made a delicious banana, strawberry and blueberry smoothie for breakfast. Not sure if they off set each other, but they sure both tasted and felt good at the time.

-My new motorcycle was delivered to me, and I rode it away with 00001 miles on it! I really like it and am going to have fun riding it for years!

-The new mountain bike shoes I ordered showed up. Look great, feel good. Gonna help my transition from spd to flats for sure.

-Got the correct dates for when Max can visit later this summer.

-Two of my three references for PA school are in and I saw the 3rd today and he said he would be doing it soon. Just that much closer to knowing....

-In the evening to wind down, I watched a dvd I like, Fantastic Mr Fox. Nice. Now you can see why I have to say that today is just one of those great days where all you can do is smile and have bright eyes and be happy. When things are dark, I will come back to this day.

Things my dad taught me.....

-That love is an action word. It is what you do. If you love someone, you put them first and you do things for them. Love isn't really a feeling, but your actions. What you do is love.

-How to handle money. You make a budget. You save. You pay your needs first. And after all that, then you can give into your wants.

-Duty. There are obligations you take on and with them requirements to your behavior. And time. Sometimes you have to do things that are hard, that you don't want to do, but they are what you need to do and should do. Do your duty. Do what you gotta do!

-How to be precise. Whether teaching me sight picture when shooting or building and painting model airplanes. If you are performing a skill or doing something, before you start thinking about adding style, think about doing the action to perfection.

-Music can be enjoyable.

-People can change. You can go from an out of control rocker to  successful small business owner. A person has it within them to make transformations happen. Bigger and for the better.

-Run. And run some more.

-How to play chess.

-You can read books for fun as a kid. He seldom reads for pleasure now, but as a kid he read age appropriate fiction. As a kid I was stuck on reading the encyclopedia. He showed me you can read 'fun' books as a kid too.

-Take care of your stuff. If you are going to buy a 'thing' then buy the best quality thing you can. And take care of it. Guns, tools, motorcycles, toys or whatever. Clean, organize and take good care of the good things you buy and they will last forever.

Thank dad!

My aunt, Jeanne

My only aunt killed herself today. She is the one who told my mom what to name me. She had a very difficult life and I'm sorry she was soo troubled.

I miss ya, I just emailed you a few days ago with news about Killer.......

I love you and I'll see you in the hereafter.

Looks AND Brains!

So I just spent the past 4 hours inputing all my undergrad coursework into my graduate school application. What dreary work! But in doing so I noticed I had been on the Dean's list 4 times and on the President's list twice!

I would have never remembered that about university if I hadn't been doing this today!

On the flip side, and there always is one, isn't there..... I had remembered only getting 3 C grades in college. Wrong. I got 10 C's in college! And one D! Yikes, I must have totally blocked that out....

Wish me luck!

Shuffle, step, shuffle, step, turn.

I've been bitten, harassed, stung and attacked by a lot of different animals in my life. Of the aquatic miscreants stingrays almost became a repeat offender.

I was at La Jolla Shores, north of the last bathroom but not quite to the houses. The surf was small but poorly timed. Ragged. More often than not I would catch my self zooming up on the shore and in pretty shallow water much sooner than I would have anticipated.

This has happened to me before. Just 80 yards north of where I was yesterday. Calm day in the water, few surfers. Shuffle step out, catch wave, ride in, jump off and repeat. Except one time BAM, when jumping off I landed on a stingray and got a sting that turned my foot spotted and hurt like I'd broken my ankle.

You can imagine my concern than as I'm whipping over the water, seeing I'm close to shore and need to get off the board I look down. Down through clear water to the sandy bottom. Covered in 6 stingrays.

Help! I pick a spot that doesn't look like a menacing gray lump and jump off as lightly and deftly as I can. Cringing, waiting for the sharp sting to come.

Phew, it doesn't! But that was for sure the last time I got in the water last night. Gives me the creepy crawlies still to see all of them, so clearly, so close to me, and having no option but to jump.

"they" say that tomorrow never comes. the flip side of that is yesterday seemingly never goes away.

today is one of those days where i feel soo strongly "i used to _______________", and fill in the blank.

maybe it is the serious lack of sleep i am running on. i don't know. the sky is beautiful, the temperature is perfect, i'm not broke.

but...............................

i still have this gloomy feeling or self identity that i'll never be anywhere as good at anything as i was previously.

-i used to be more passionate than i am now
-i used to weigh less than i do now
-i used to joke around more than i do now
-i used to have more self control than i do now
-i used to be stronger, faster, smarter, tougher and anything physical better than i do/am now
-i used to win more than i do now. games, races, scrabble, jiu jitsu. i never win anything anymore

i'm still nice to people. i still care about stuff. i'm reasonably healthy all things considered. so stuff is good. i have a nice home and don't have to stress like many people do during this economy.

i still feel "less" though than the 2009 and earlier me. i wish i could shake it..........

i think this plays into how i feel about myself and my work currently. i haven't worked full time in my degree field and training since 2005. yes, you've heard this before.

where i work this month, on each wed and thurs, i am essentially alone. i don't like to be alone, either in my employment or life. i can do it, but i don't like it.

the skills and knowledge and just 'everything' you need to be sharp, accurate, on-time, caring, competent and all of that for my patients is just rusty. i feel like i'm starting from zero each time i work. and with no back up or help i feel acutely the power to perform and be perfect. but i don't have the current experience base to do that. feel it. believe it.

so i am incredibly nervous and not confident in the days leading up to my assignments like this. to be good at what i do, you have to do it often. and i don't, so i have the stark realization i'm just not that good at it.

my value in the field is decreased markedly due to my underemployment. if not bottomed out or totally zero. and that hurts me, inside.

whingey i know, but this is where i can express deeper feelings amongst my normal "look at me, look at me!" posts. especially since i rarely write in my paper and pen journal anymore. another 'used to' i guess. i have 7 years of daily entries in a stack of paper and pen journals.

my middle name is not consistency anymore either.

Norway Road Trip

Again, I forgot the sound editing since I was doing this in the middle of the night. Mute it for best effect.

8 days and over 1700 kilometers driven in Norway distilled into 20 minutes of video. I hope you enjoy! The pictures don't do it justice as this is one of the must beautiful places on earth. Truly.

My Israel trip in pics and video.

(evidently i skipped the sound editing part making this, so mute is your best friend)
Flew from San Diego to Newark. Then to Tel Aviv and a mini-bus ride to Jerusalem. Stayed west of "the seam" in the more arab side of the city. Nice hotel and within walking distance of all we wanted in Jerusalem. Or close to the train/mass transit for the things farther away.

Hit up Damascus Gate, old city, David's Tower, Garden Tomb, Garden of Gethsemane, Mt of Olives, Wailing Wall, Dome of the Rock and Al-Aqsa mosques. Lion's Gate, Joffa Gate. Yad Vashem aka the Holocaust museum. The Dead Sea, mnt fortress of Masada, Qumran and a detour to Jericho and such in the PA controlled area.

Nice weather. Lots of walking. Only heard gunfire three times. Lots of tension in the air. Peace there is a futile dream. OK food. Decent prices. I've been a few other middle eastern places and it was fairly typical in the amount of people, business, dirt and trash around.

Sorry for an 18 minute video, but it's hard to distill 4 days into less than that. You're only getting 80% of the trip anyways, even with that. So sit back and take the time to enjoy. Ask questions. Challenge my assumptions. Just enjoy.

(Norway's equivalent will be here soon.)

Rowdy time!

Here are some pics of me from vacation, both from Israel and Norway.
Check the pics out here!
Mostly posed pics of me in the achingly beautiful Norwegian country or religious/cultural sights in Israel. For the full on video/slide show from vacation you are just going to have to wait a bit.

Here is a preview of what you'll see in the above link's slideshow:

Forest above Voss, Norway