In the New York Times this morning there is an article about America's reduced presence, budget and desire for sustained military engagements in the Middle East. The main picture was of an airbase in Kuwait that I have been to many times.
The picture just held me. I picked up the paper and peered closely at, seeing what I might still possibly recognize. Saying to myself, "I've stood right there!!" Feelings and memories flooded back.
On this day 5 years ago I was finishing up my last bit of training stateside before going to Iraq to work for a year as a civilian defense contractor.
Two things come to mind right now. First that I was only there for 3 months. I feel like a total failure, coward, weakling for not being able to stay the entire year. Yes, I know that I was hospitalized multiple times here in the US during the same time frame and would of had to come home regardless. But still, those feelings linger and are able to bubble to the surface with full force.
Secondly I had a dream while I was there that still haunts me. A very prominent person in my life came to me in the dream and said, "You're not done here." That's all I can remember. Him standing before me, saying those words. And I believe it means something.
Staring at that picture this morning brought all those things back. All the sights, sounds, smells and experiences. I feel drawn to that area. I actually want to go back there. I don't know why, I don't know how. But I do. I want to be back there seeing and doing.
But my reasonable, rational mind is stuck on what to do with these feelings and desires. All it can see are reasons not to do such a thing. Maybe it is all just a bit of undigested potato, a la Scrooge.......
I'd post pictures of my time there, but that computer died and I have no photos at all of my Iraq adventure. Just close your eyes and imagine, like I am...........
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