Golden Handcuffs Medical Edition

I swear I must be crazy, to let something that currently is 80% irrelevant to my life bother me sooooooooo much.

Ambition filled me as I went to sleep last night for today's activities. I was going to go to jiu jitsu to watch early class (since I can't practice due to the infected cut on my wrist), then go to yoga at noon and finally off to the shooting range to get a little practice in with my .22 target pistol.

But as I awoke this morning and moved into my day the ambition melted off me like late spring snow in March sunshine.

A quick internal assessment and I think I know the cause of my downturn.

Go back a few posts and you will read my wistful remembrance of working in the Middle East. And if you are a family member you know my long love of international relations and my study of world conflict. Which got me thinking, why can't I get back into this field?

But then it hit me. Why can't I go to jiu jitsu? Because of a medical thing. And why am I super susceptible to things like that? Because of the medication I take. Which is a shot, that has to be kept refrigerated, and given every two weeks.

That realization has for some reason totally bummed me out. I just can't see how I can ever have any sort of long term 'adventure' away from my house if I have to be tied to a medicine that I need every two weeks and I have to store in a refrigerator. Hardly something I can stockpile, take with me, store correctly or heaven forbid skip taking.

I did email the drug manufacturer today asking where it is available out of the US, if I can buy it ahead of time in say a 3 or 6 month batch, how long it can be stored and how long it can be out of refrigeration and still be viable. I wonder if I'll get a real answer back.

What makes my day to day life great has for some reason now turned into something that I see restricting my future. But it is a future I don't even see existing. I'm physically much healthier than I have been in easily two years!! But I'm not where I want to be and things keep getting in the way, slowing me down.

Am I focusing on the wrong things? Should I be trying harder? Should I quit?

So why does it bother me so? Does this even make sense? Have I gone off the edge mentally? This is ridiculous to be my age and wonder like this........