Ileostomy, sugar, osmolarity, transit time, science, blah blah blah, science again. What is all boils down to is that I eat or drink something especially high in sugar then there is an immediate increase in the water output into my "appliance".
As that water will not be making the fun trip to my colon it is just getting stripped from my body. Big deal you say? This little venture has put me back in the hospital once for 24 hours to correct the dehydration. Just two nights ago I was "obviously faltering" and needed to get more fluid in as well. (Sadly my PICC line was clotted and I barely got my TPN in, fluids waiting for the next day when my line was replaced.)
Even short time readers, fan club members, groupies, stalkers, imitators and secret crushes will know that I am powered by two main things. Sunshine and sugar. Sunshine + sugar + sports + speediness = super sweet superior satisfaction. Comprende?
Having solved the mystery of rapid 0-bag filling and emptying now to determine the most egregious culprits! Sugary drinks!
Great Scott man! Do you have any idea? Other than water everything is ppppppacked with sugar. And at this stage I'm not differentiating between HFCS, fructose, glucose, sucrose, lactose, Splenda and its devilish clones. Just reading the simple grams of sugar per serving and reporting the results.
Minute Maid Fruit Punch 34g
San Pellegrino Lemonata 32G (this was a huge shocker to me. i thought i was getting just mineral water with lemon. it hardly tastes this level of sweet)
Coca Cola Caffiene free 38g
Ocean Spray Fruit Juices specifically labeled having no HFCS all ranged from 28g-34g
Lactaid fat free milk 12g
Treetop 100% apple cider 28g
V8 veggie drink can 6g
But if I want something sweet what am I to do? There is not sugar difference between downing a Coke versus fruit "juice" even with no HFCS. Which in my ranking of evil things it goes like this:
Worst: ANY artificial sweetener.
Worse:HFCS or other syrups and sugars made from things not sugar cane or sugar beet.
Bad: regular old just over refined 'white' sugar. Which in this case being merely "bad" makes you the best!
In my grief I began searching for an appropriate sugar fix for the condition I'm in. And I think I found it!
Green Granny Smith apple, sliced and skin peeled off. (I am not allowed to eat things with skins or casings currently.)
A BIG FREAKING TUB OF CARAMEL DIP. That's right. Just like you see in a McD's pseudo-Happy Meal where the kids can get milk and apples with caramel dip to feign healthiness I can do the same thing and call it what it really is, feeding my sugar addiction at a manageable level.
Yes.
Two tablespoons of caramel equal 16g of sugar. Wow! I can eat basically a whole caramel apple and get half the sugar of drinking a glass of juice.
Mystery solved, case closed and mouth open.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
My MegaMind Moment
Yesterday was a very busy day for me. I was more active and went more places than I have in almost two months!
One of the fun activities was getting out into the wild early enough I didn't need my TPN and back pack and stuff with me to go to the movies. (though I couldn't have any of the treats)
Megamind in 2D was the choice and I really enjoyed it. I am such a sucker for personal redemption stories. I actually choked up, in a cartoon! I'd probably cry if i saw Old Yeller again. The reviews I read were critical of the movie, but it worked for me on a level so I like, some of the legitimate criticisms aside.
Walking out of the theater I stepped on something. I thought it was my phone as I had my hand on mine in my pocket. Nope, it was someone's iPhone. I must admit than when I picked it up I looked around to see if anyone saw me and thought "sweet, $200 on Craigslist for me." Then almost instantly I squashed that thought, the feeling rising strongly inside me that I should be the good guy!
As I was waiting at guest services to turn in the phone it rang and I just answered it simply, "I have your phone, I'm at guest services right now turning it in."
Funny, I don't see a resemblance.......
One of the fun activities was getting out into the wild early enough I didn't need my TPN and back pack and stuff with me to go to the movies. (though I couldn't have any of the treats)
Megamind in 2D was the choice and I really enjoyed it. I am such a sucker for personal redemption stories. I actually choked up, in a cartoon! I'd probably cry if i saw Old Yeller again. The reviews I read were critical of the movie, but it worked for me on a level so I like, some of the legitimate criticisms aside.
Walking out of the theater I stepped on something. I thought it was my phone as I had my hand on mine in my pocket. Nope, it was someone's iPhone. I must admit than when I picked it up I looked around to see if anyone saw me and thought "sweet, $200 on Craigslist for me." Then almost instantly I squashed that thought, the feeling rising strongly inside me that I should be the good guy!
As I was waiting at guest services to turn in the phone it rang and I just answered it simply, "I have your phone, I'm at guest services right now turning it in."
Funny, I don't see a resemblance.......
Friday, November 5, 2010
ok, a few more
Alright, here are the last I am going to post for a while. Even I am feeling overloaded by the retro cuteness.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
How far we gonna go back? Way back!
And it goes a little something like this..... Ok, Sherman, hit them switches and fire the retro rockets on this computerized way-back machine for some retro Rowdy!
Christmas morning, Darth Vader jammies, new Darth Vader toy and a huge gleam in my eye! Yes!
Why am I hesitant to ride horses now? I've done it plenty of times.... Canvas shoes, baggy jeans, t-shirt. The uniform was set early on....
+of+SCAN0025.JPG)
Oh how I miss the house on Lombardy Lane. There is soo much in this pic to love, from the hair, the guns, the t-shirts, the overalls, the dead ducks. This is my early childhood summed up in one picture.
+of+SCAN0025.JPG)
Can't decide what to be for Halloween? Why not be both of the original monsters!! Behold, FrankenstienDracula!!
Christmas morning, Darth Vader jammies, new Darth Vader toy and a huge gleam in my eye! Yes!
Why am I hesitant to ride horses now? I've done it plenty of times.... Canvas shoes, baggy jeans, t-shirt. The uniform was set early on....+of+SCAN0025.JPG)
Oh how I miss the house on Lombardy Lane. There is soo much in this pic to love, from the hair, the guns, the t-shirts, the overalls, the dead ducks. This is my early childhood summed up in one picture.+of+SCAN0025.JPG)
Can't decide what to be for Halloween? Why not be both of the original monsters!! Behold, FrankenstienDracula!!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
No you can't have it, I already marked it!!
When I was between 5 and 10 years old, the ages where Santa Claus and Christmas hold you in absolute thrall, my dad worked for Sears as a manager. Around Thanksgiving time we would have him give each of us a copy of the regular Sear's holiday catalog and the special supplement that was all about toys and such.
For those of you born after 1992 large department stores would mail you a metropolitan phone book sized catalog 3 times a year. This way you didn't need to go to the store, could look at every possible thing they have if you local store didn't have it, learn all about lay-away and generally just had your small consumer spark turned into a bonfire. It would be as if every BestBuy, Gap, Tiffanys, Crate&Barrel, Snap On, MAC catalog you get now came bundled together all at once.
The arrival of it motivated us little kids like few things did. If you wanted Santa or Grandma to get you something, well we knew they weren't mind readers. Shhhhhh, but sometimes they even made mistakes! Even when they used mom and dad as "helpers" things could still go awry. You had to have a fool proof way of getting your little kid desires out. How to fix this?
Sit down with the new Sears catalog, especially the Christmas toy one, and a black El Marko Marksalot marker.
First, you gottta circle the item. This tells the other siblings you're interested and they better change what they like. Secondly you write your initial, in my case a R in the circle clearly. The larger and bolder you write signifies your level of desire. A halo of black marker stars around an item mean that without you'll probably run away xmas morning if things don't go right.
Occasionally we would only get one catalog and would have to share it. I don't remember too many fights, but it seems we were pretty conciliatory towards each other. "NO, I want the Smokey and the Bandit RC TransAM!"
"Well, I marked it first. Here look, a few pages away is a really cool RC airplane. Think how much fun you'd have with that. You should mark that instead!"
"Oh yeah, good idea, thanks!"
Then the catalog was presented solemnly to mom, as if I had fulfilled some special assignment. The knights returning from a dangerous mission to give report to the queen. But if I cruised through the internet now with a virtual black marker, here are some things that would have a big ol' R written on them.
size A1 vulkan gi, black, pro light ($160)
cyclops trainer for bicycle, no real preference ($200-400)
glock 19 ($600)
johnny rivers, animals or any 60's bluesy rock band CDs ($20)
springfield armory scout squad rifle ($1500)
Carl Fogarty's autobiography (probably outta print $25)
vans shoes size 8 ($40)
brazilian portugeuse lessons at language door near my house ($?$)
revtek 3" lift for my truck ($350)
jeans. 30w 30L, loose fit. ($40-100)
jiu jitsu private lessons ($100 hour)
Arai motorcycle helmet ($500)
ammunition 9mm, 12g, 22lr-not cheap stuff that jams, .308. ($100)
new Spy motocross goggles ($60)
i don't direct this towards anyone in particular, if i come out of my surgery good right around xmas time then i really will be happy enough. but if you're feeling altruistic or have won the lottery......
'cause the grand total is about $4,400......just saying....
For those of you born after 1992 large department stores would mail you a metropolitan phone book sized catalog 3 times a year. This way you didn't need to go to the store, could look at every possible thing they have if you local store didn't have it, learn all about lay-away and generally just had your small consumer spark turned into a bonfire. It would be as if every BestBuy, Gap, Tiffanys, Crate&Barrel, Snap On, MAC catalog you get now came bundled together all at once.
The arrival of it motivated us little kids like few things did. If you wanted Santa or Grandma to get you something, well we knew they weren't mind readers. Shhhhhh, but sometimes they even made mistakes! Even when they used mom and dad as "helpers" things could still go awry. You had to have a fool proof way of getting your little kid desires out. How to fix this?
Sit down with the new Sears catalog, especially the Christmas toy one, and a black El Marko Marksalot marker.
First, you gottta circle the item. This tells the other siblings you're interested and they better change what they like. Secondly you write your initial, in my case a R in the circle clearly. The larger and bolder you write signifies your level of desire. A halo of black marker stars around an item mean that without you'll probably run away xmas morning if things don't go right.Occasionally we would only get one catalog and would have to share it. I don't remember too many fights, but it seems we were pretty conciliatory towards each other. "NO, I want the Smokey and the Bandit RC TransAM!"
"Well, I marked it first. Here look, a few pages away is a really cool RC airplane. Think how much fun you'd have with that. You should mark that instead!"
"Oh yeah, good idea, thanks!"
Then the catalog was presented solemnly to mom, as if I had fulfilled some special assignment. The knights returning from a dangerous mission to give report to the queen. But if I cruised through the internet now with a virtual black marker, here are some things that would have a big ol' R written on them.
size A1 vulkan gi, black, pro light ($160)
cyclops trainer for bicycle, no real preference ($200-400)
glock 19 ($600)
johnny rivers, animals or any 60's bluesy rock band CDs ($20)
springfield armory scout squad rifle ($1500)
Carl Fogarty's autobiography (probably outta print $25)
vans shoes size 8 ($40)
brazilian portugeuse lessons at language door near my house ($?$)
revtek 3" lift for my truck ($350)
jeans. 30w 30L, loose fit. ($40-100)
jiu jitsu private lessons ($100 hour)
Arai motorcycle helmet ($500)
ammunition 9mm, 12g, 22lr-not cheap stuff that jams, .308. ($100)
new Spy motocross goggles ($60)
i don't direct this towards anyone in particular, if i come out of my surgery good right around xmas time then i really will be happy enough. but if you're feeling altruistic or have won the lottery......
'cause the grand total is about $4,400......just saying....
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
This is the construction paper mock up of what I want to make in fur and such on the cover of my new laptop. I can't think of another character that is as fueled by treats and sugar as Cookie Monster. It's cute, but I'm not sure how "rowdy" it is....
What do you think?
I have the most thoughtful nieces and nephews! I need to write M's and T's kids and give them a good thank you for the nice colored pictures they sent me, wishing me well.
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