Scylla & Charybdis

It is still a little early to not be positive, so this is more just a mental exercise than anything else. OK?

So the reason I'm in this most recent medical predicament is due to an aspect of Crohns disease after surgery. It is not uncommon after a bowel resection surgery for a fistula to develop. But in 5 previous surgeries I've never had one. So getting one shocked me as it was a totally new development in Crohns for me.

After 6 months of misdiagnosis, mistreatment, correct diagnosis, failed treatments I am where I am at tonight. Haven't having eaten in a week and connected to a pump giving me all my nutrients to stay alive for the next two months.

What does this have to do with Homeric creatures? The less literate of you might call it "between a rock and a hard place" and this is where I could potentially find myself.

My doctors are all cautiously optimistic (their words) that by having nothing going through my intestines at all, nothing will go through the fistula(s) and this will then lead to their healing closed. And not reopening once I eat again.

But what if they don't heal with TPN? Then I basically have two choices. The first one is to go back to doing nothing. Just live with a hole from my guts to my outside. I'd be able to eat and such just like I was before. But most likely I'd never be able to do jiu jitsu again. I could even probably get in the ocean, but combat sports would be over.

The second choice is to have surgery to fix it. Losing more bowel. Increasing my risk for complications from that and just the surgery itself. Possibly becoming a nutritional cripple. Then TPN could become a reality rather than a short term treatment.

Let's finish on good news! I have had almost nil output from my right side wound's fistula and my midline wound's fistula looks as totally closed as it did before it opened in Colorado. Seemingly working. In 7 more weeks I can eat again and see if it works. Knowing if it did or didn't will be a simple test. I might get a 3rd fibrin gluing as it can't hurt, right? I haven't even cheated on not eating or drinking!

Conclusion? Well if this treatment doesn't work I am going to think long and hard about just not doing anything and 'living' with it. IF the worst option happens in either case, I'll never be able to do jiu jitsu again. But I gotta try and find the positives. The best outcome would be to have this work, Humeria keep working, no more surgery, be able to do anything physical I want and never have a serious Crohns problem again.

I gotta.