The return

For the most part I'm really tired mentally and physically with competitive shooting. Knowing that I spent a few weeks thinking about something to replace it in my life. It needed to be something physical, able to do in the daytime, competitive and doable on a regular basis.

After going through quite a few old and new activities I narrowed it down to rock climbing or brazilian jiu jitsu. I decided on brazilian jiu jitsu.

I went to a few academies and picked one to which I've now been 4 times. I enjoy it but I am very sore and due to my time away am essentially starting from scratch. I last did bjj with any regularity in 2009. The saying about doing something is about riding a bike again, right? Well riding a bike is elemental compared to the intricacies of bjj. Thus I am not just metaphorically hopping on and riding around hahaha.

Right now my biggest deficits are 1.My lack of physical fitness for grappling and 2.My schedule right now with IDPA and USPSA nationals occurring right as I've decided to do this change. Come the second week of November I'll be able to start going to the daytime class 4x a week and then issues one and two will quickly fade.

And I'll still have my weekends and evenings free for other goofing off!

My special MRI

As I understand it, MRI is good for soft tissue and inflammation visualization. There is a special way of doing a MRI of the intestine that takes even more time and preparation than a normal scan, and I had one of them yesterday for the second time in my life.

The first time was very unpleasant, but I was also actively sick at the time. The scan was difficult and the injection I was given to slow the movement of my intestines made it very difficult to resume eating and digesting.

This time the biggest challenge was the total time of it all, an hour there due to driving in the rain and an hour of drinking the prep then an hour for the scan and finally an hour home. Four hours in total, of course of which I was fasting 6 hours prior.

When it came time to finally eat afterward I was able to do so without pain or vomiting as I did after the last scan.

Now it is just time to wait for the results and I'm curious about two things, the enterocutaneous fistula that was in my belly button recently and then the general state of my small bowel, and its thickening and inflammation. Hopefully my private physician gets a chance to look at it today and has good news.

Looking....

Looking at my analytics there are about 20-35 people who read what I post, regularly. With that in mind I think I should take more effort to write posts. Especially more than 2 or 4 times a year. I have plenty of interesting thoughts, experiences and photographs to share that I should probably do here rather than on that dreaded facebook.

I still live in San Antonio TX but don't particularly love the area. My Crohns is doing a low level annoyance but I am reasonably healthy. I still am not working anywhere.

The nationals for Production in USPSA are in a week, in Florida of course. My placing in this match helps determine if I can represent the US in Thailand for the World Shoot in 2020. If I don't get accepted for that then I am going to basically stop shooting competitively. I have invested at least 15 hours a week to it for 7 years and spend about $70,000 on it if I were to do a true accounting. Without this kind of capstone event, the World Shoot, I don't see any reason to continue on at this level of commitment. The matches are fun, but I'll divest myself of a bunch of equipment, stop practicing and shoot maybe one local match a month.

That said, you know me a little and realize I need to do something active and something competitive. I've chosen to return to Brazilian jiu jitsu. I have taken two classes at a new Carlson Gracie academy here in SATX. It has been easily 10 years since I did it regularly and I've decided to just start over at white belt. For good or bad. Sorry Fabio and Andre. But at least I'm back on the mats!

Fear and Loathing

I have Crohn's disease, and have for over 30 years. For the past 8 years I have been taking Humira, every two weeks by injection. And have been mostly in remission because of it.

I have near the border with Mexico for almost 12 years at different times. I worked for years in patient care in those areas. I have traveled to multiple third world countries.

You combine all of those things and I should not have been surprised when a recent quantaferon test came back positive for tuberculosis. Yep, TB. Thankfully I am asymptomatic so I am not contagious.

But......... I can not take Humira with this diagnosis. Humira can make TB activate and disseminate. So the one thing that's kept me from another health nightmare is now removed from my care and treatment. On the way home from the doctor today I probably cried with fear and worry for about 3 minutes.

So now let us see what happens. A good Crohn's medicine is gone for me. The risk of active TB is real. I have to take a new and possibly unpleasant medication for the TB. Risking a flare and all the other nightmarish outcomes that would happen to me if I had to have more bowel removed.

Fearful of the future medically. Fearful of the future economically. Loathing my body and weakness. Loathing new side effects.

Sigh. But now it is back to game face and "doing", rather than worrying. Time will tell....

Living is in the way we...

Die. I want my death to be equal to my life. Which means it will both be complicated and one people expected. But I still want a "good" death.

Seriously

I don't want to say it's a problem per se, but the "problem" with sexual harassment is that all men are guilty. Every single one of us has done something in their life that would qualify as sexual harassment.

We're all guilty, every single one of us.

No one expects the Spanish (Arkansas?) Inquisition!

Well now that the move to San Antonio is a sure thing it is a good time to reflect on some Arkansas experiences. I think I'll break them down into two categories, things I expected but never realized and the opposite events or what have you I didn't see coming.

Expectations I had but were never met
-I would become a Hogs football fan. I thought I would but I can't even tell you a single player's name. I was definitely interested in the SEC but just other teams.

-I would attend a big college game. Football is the second religion in the south, behind the Baptists, so I thought I'd attend at least one "service". I never did. I still want to attend a powerhouse SEC game.

-I would have fished or hunted more. Arkansas is a spotsman's spot for sure but I went fishing only like 5 times and hunting never.

-I would have made Grand Master in USPSA. I was never close until this past month, so almost two years later and I still doubt it will happen. Not enough local matches and not enough of them on Saturday.

-I would have more sponsorship. I moved here with some and am leaving with none. Zero sponsorship and no job in the industry.

-I could mimic the accent. Nope. I can hear the difference between an Arkansas accent and other states down here but I can't even come close to doing it properly. When I do a southern accent I'm not sure it reflects any region accurately.

-I would never use y'all. Well it has crept into my vocabulary.

Unexpected Experiences
-I dislike living out in the country. I thought I would love being out on 3 acres away from it all. In fact I find it a pain most times. I can appreciate the beauty and quiet but for day to day life I find it less than ideal.

-The level of tobacco use and alcohol consumption. Higher than expected, much higher.

-Poor road system. Living in the center of the state, in the largest city and yet you still have to drive on two lane road surface streets to get most places in the state.

-Food. I found out I was allergic to okra. I also found out how little fresh fruits and vegetables are part of meals here, either going out to eat or at homes. I put on 5 pounds here and am considerably less fit. Arkansas is just not a place that promotes health.

-Rain. Oh my does it rain here. I can handle the heat and humidity now. But days on end of heavy rain just really wears on me. Nothing is ever dry here.

-Bugs. Not only is the rain biblical here but the bugs are extras from a Jurassic Park movie. I can't think of a single day in the past almost three years I haven't had a bug bite of some sort. I have two tick bites that have never healed. Never, in years. I learned what chiggers are and had over 50 bites from them on my legs. Spiders and mosquitoes and chiggers and ticks and just everything are crazy here.

-Race. I hear people use the N word without flinching. Casual denigration on non-whites. There is still just a divide.


I didn't think I'd be writing this when I moved here as I had hope and faith but now I have to say I understand why CNBC voted Arkansas the worst state to live in recently. I know the joke is normally "Thank God for Mississippi" as they're usually last/worst in most metrics but I couldn't in good conscious advise anyone to move here. (not sure I'd rather live in Mississippi or Louisiana though either! hahaha)

Arkansas, we're breaking up and I'm leavings.It's not me, it's you.