throw away post

ways i've needed a new cell phone:
-i had my first cell phone in 1999. i kept it until almost 2001. i changed it simply because of the advances in that time. i didn't want 2nd tier technology.

-dropping it in toilet

-spilling chocolate milk all over it

-falling out of the storage under the seat or out of my pocket while riding motorcycles. one of each.

-crappy phone that just stopped working. 3 different times.

-dropping it 33 too many times.

-battery failure in an old model that no longer had parts or support.

so in the past 10 years i've had at least 12 phones. that's how they get ya..... maybe i should start buying the insurance.....

Sporty cars I have driven:
Porsche Cayman S
Porsche 911 in 996 and 997 versions
Lotus Elise
Subaru WRX in normal and STI versions
Toyota MR2, the first gen.
Honda CRX
Acura RSX
Doge Viper, 3rd gen
BMW M3
Porsche Boxster S
Nissan 300ZX
Mazda Miata

highest fever i've had:
103.4 F

longest plane flights i've been on:
Kuwait City to Washington DC for 22 hours
Los Angeles to Taipei Taiwan for 16 hours

longest mountain bike ride:
34 miles

fastest i've ran one mile
6:02.00

number of pull ups without stopping:
19

hardest climb:
5.10c at Smith Rock up in Oregon

St Helens, Krakatoa, Vesuvius, Penetubo, Mazama

So I feel like I have been ignored by my surgeon in this stage of my care. Since it seems he is unwilling to make an office visit appointment I email him weekly updates that are actually ignored by him and responded to by one of his nurses. Whom I did not email. The other physicians of mine I email answer me directly, personally. Not this guy, ever.

In my email today a little bit of hyperbole about how I felt caused me to receive 3 calls from his nurses. Not him. I'm writing him, not some freaking nurse I've never met. I want the person who has actually had their hands inside me talking to me, not some low level office functionary. Which is frankly how I do view an office nurse.

This, having to change my bag today, not having showered for almost a week, not being able to do a single damn thing I enjoy have all just built up inside me.

And I am not even half way through this step of the process........

The level of capital A Anger, frustration, loathing and inability to make any difference in the situation are rising to volcanic levels. The only thing stopping me from going on an spree of utter destruction in epic proportions to myself, others and anything around me is the knowledge in how that would dissapoint all who care about me.

I may not act it out, but I still have these feelings at a level I haven't felt in years.

I remember when I used to be the one who was the medical professional giving the care. On the other side of the bed as we say. I hate being the patient.I may hate it but I am doing it. And I am going to make it out the other side better!!

Last night I left the house! Can you believe it!!! I had to go out with my TPN backpack and such, but I still did it. I'm not comfortable really driving any distance how I am right now, so Super D drove me.

Where do you think I wanted to go? HA! You're right!!!

So I woke up with a new kind of energy. I shaved, made the bed (sorta), washed my hair, changed clothes, gave myself all my meds, started laundry, did some silly exercises since I can't lift or do anything I just basically moved my arms through the air doing the motions a bunch.

I have been spending 11 hours a day in front of the computer, tv or playstation ever single day. In one spot on the couch. I do get up and get the mail, eat and other stuff so it's not like I'm immobile the whole day, but it is spent entirely staring at a screen.

I blame it on the weather. When it was sunny I would go out and paint and such. Bring back the sun dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I am going to watch jiu jitsu instructional dvds and play my favorite car racing came on the ps3. I am going to try and avoid watching the tv and just sitting here letting time pass me by. If I'm sitting on the couch I need to be engaged. It is also time to break out the Brazilian Portuguese Rosetta Stone series and start working on that too.

A way better choice than hour after hour of CSI and Law and Order, don't you think?

Not a rock and a hard place but a soft and a comfy space.

Yesterday I wrote a quick note about two tough choices. Sell my bike and go to Brazil or not sell my bike and maybe go to Brazil. Argh. A very good reason to use the title I did from classical mythology.

That got me thinking, what about if you had to choose between two good things? Remember back to the 90's when you would be in Blockbuster holding a VHS tape in each hand and trying to decide which one to pick? Classic example of what I mean. (Though I think most of us ended up picking a 3rd movie to get a "buy two get one free" sort of promotion. So often you never had to make the decision.)

In my semi-lucid sleep state last night I decided to think of how many win-win types of choices I could and then pick what for me is the winner of both winners. As part of the mental exercise, since they are both winners and if you pick one, the other one is NEVER an option for you again, because you're picking a winner no matter what it shouldn't matter. Right?

WINNER VS WINNER

motorcycle vs car. The car wins. Though I do have a strong love for bikes, they are recreational for me. As I stated, if I can only have one, I'm gonna choose cars.

bacon vs sausage. Sausage. I'm not sure how I could argue my point on this one though.

shower vs bath. Shower. No contest in my book. Though I wonder if this would exclude me from hot tubs, the ocean, swimming pools and what not....??? Guess I would have to make it in the house specific rather than 'sprayed water' versus 'contained water'.

Rolling Stones vs Beatles. The Rolling Stones.

family vs friends. Family. Argh, I hate this choice. Good friends are priceless and develop in such a unique way from your familial relationships. Push come to shove and I have to grab one group or the other to escape in my rocket ship from the alien invasion I am gonna grab family.

surfing vs snowboarding. Snowboarding. I like that it is more repeatable and you can't drown. But I would miss the beach and it's attendant wonders badly.

video games vs movies vs tv. Movies win. I can still go out and still watch things at home. Movies for sure.

What do you think??

Caught between Scilla and Charybdis

I really really want to go to Brazil next year, but I don't have much of a spare income for this sort of thing.

So................ I'm thinking about selling my motorcycle to fund this trip.

It seems I do love jiu jitsu more than motorcyling at this stage. Or I at least spend more time doing JJ than I do riding.

Torn torn torn.

What do you think?

Hmmm, help me decide.

I need a new mattress!! It is as if where I sleep has become a dugout canoe. I try to sleep anywhere else on my bed and I roll into the canyon I seem to have created over the past 5 years.

This is not good, this is not right. (One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish.)

So, I want a firm mattress. I want it to not wear out. I want queen size. I want ZERO sag. And no memory foam. I had one before and it felt like sleeping on bundled rags.

Any suggestions?? Money really no object.