Last name Ever, first name Greatest.

Why I can't and why I can. **Graphic Photo**

This is why I can't:
take a shower but once or twice a week
sleep on my stomach
practice jiu jitsu
ride my motorcycle
go to church
go for a mountain bike ride
swim
leave the house
have sex
eat fruits or vegetables
exercise at all/lift anything over 5lbs
stay hydrated
wear the clothes I want
eat anything with a high sugar or potassium content
have a job
drive.

**
I have a fancy IV that goes from my left arm to almost my heart. It is my life line and nothing bad can happen to it. I am hooked up to it in someway or another for up to 18 hours in a day. I also have an ileostomy. So that is where everything I eat or drink ends up. I have to change that bag and everything twice a week. It is not fun. I also have that big open scar down the middle of my belly. My abdominal muscles have been cut through 7 times now. You should have seen this wound a month ago, this is beautiful in comparison.**

This is why I can:
nap during the day
take pain pills
play video games
read whatever I want
be on the internet
have a mini fridge and dresser full of medical supplies
have a nurse come to my house 2 or 3 times a week
sit in the driveway and paint
watch lots of dvd's and tv
loose weight
learn patience
have faith and hope/pray lots
learn who is really concerned about me.

I wish I could mash these two lists together and pick only the best. But that's not how my life is supposed to be right now. So chin up, eyes open, face forward and doing what I need to do. With lots of help from others and hope and faith in something greater than myself.

And this is why I can't play video games...

I love racing games. I'm getting a steering wheel next!!

"The horror! The horror!" -Kurtz.

One of my favorite authors is Joseph Conrad. While I enjoy almost all of his novels it seems most people are only familiar with Heart of Darkness, from which the above quote originates. And is appropriate for what I'll write next....

If I did not have family I don't think I would have chose to live through this.

Now don't get alarmed. It is just a statement. Not a plan or a cry for help.

While I talk about all the things I want to do when I get better those things are just stuff I enjoy. They make life fun. But to have a reason to live I need more than that. And that "that" is my family.

My life has been amazing. I have experienced more than 90% of the people I know. It really is just amazing. But I have also experienced many horrible things as well. Illness, unemployment, disease, divorces (yes, that's a plural), loss, injury, rejection, bankruptcy, depression.

Right now, I think how I felt during my divorces is the only thing equal to these past few months. The only thing deeper in life, with more meaning for me is family. They are what keeps me going. They are my reason. They are my life.

And because of them, I am going to keep living my life.

All I have ever wanted was to be a better man. Someone who did the right thing, stood up for others, made people smile and have fun. A man with something interesting to share no matter who I am with or talking to. A person who gives more to the world than they take. A man with passion, who lived, loved and excelled at what he does. This is the life I strive for.

Family, I love you. And I owe you more thanks than you will ever know.

No pads, no helmet, no brains.

All guts.....

Check it. And see.

Thanks to Jive Monkey Baby for the new blog header!! Oh yeah, Rowdy Style!!

Oh, you are an endangered species. You are very rare.

Yep, the above title is a direct quote from one of my nurses a few weeks ago. And since she singled me out on appearance I will do the same and say she was Chinese.

What caused her to say this? The fact that I have red hair and a cleft chin. Evidently two rare, less than 1.0% of the world's population for either and I am sure much less in combination.

Doing a quick bit of searching I find she is somewhat correct. Geneticists are saying there is going to be a massive reduction in the number of redheads by 2060 to 2100.

I guess I really am unique. A dying breed.

Her manner of speaking lead me to infer that she thought having red hair and a cleft chin were positive things. And that rarely seems to be the case. Heck, even I find 80% of most redheads totally unattractive. I think I've only ever even kissed one.

Are there specific groups that have a thing for redheads????

My neighbors that are gay used to tease me when I worked at the UCSD in North Park to watch out as there is a large subculture in their community who digs red hair. I've also had a large number of black women compliment me on my hair color. I don't understand it.....

What do you think??????

Nor do I get the , "Oh, you're Irish huh?" comments. Scotland has the largest percentage of their population, 13%, as red heads. But I know my genetic history.

This is the genesis of my red hair, Norwegian vikings.

Not this.