A week in review

A mi casa.

So I was able to leave the hospital tonight on a somewhat conditional release. I am not totally better and can not have solid food for days to come still.

But I am medically sophisticated enough to do this level of care and attention at home, so they let me leave. Knowing I know what to watch for and to immediately return if things don't get better.

Which I hope and pray they do. I'm really freaking tired of Crohns disease and its effects on me and my life. Boo!!

It is soo sweet to be home.

cussing cuss cusser

i'm feeling:

angry
ignored
marginalized
helpless
inconsequential
weak
trapped

??

I normally feel like there is something to be learned from almost every experience. Especially the ones that try us. This past week it has not been easy for me to discern what mine should be, but I will still brainstorm so ideas and see what sticks....

I am more fragile than I realize. People think I am tough or fit or active or whatever based on the type of hobbies I do and the level I do them at, but really I don't think I totally fit that role. Those things are a maximum attainment for me, not the norm. Really I guess I am quite weak and fragile. But that type of thinking leads me then to believe I probably have a markedly decreased life expectancy.....

Which leads to the second possible lesson learned from this, that the middle is not where I want to be. If I am happy I want to be joyous and loving it, whatever it is. If I am upset I want to gnaw and gnash and have a red face. To be vivid and vibrant. Personality and emotion. Not tepid, not lukewarm. Never tense, never hesitant. This is not to be confused with manic depression or being bipolar, but just being more animate overall. Less "blah" and more "rrrrawr"!

A greater sense of myself is probably needed. Rather than just blithely going along and reacting to my health, I should self monitor a little more. Be more aware and monitor my diet a little better.

So all these things and one thing I'm keeping private are really the only things that come to mind as lessons learned from this latest week in the hospital.

Hmmm......What to think, but more importantly, what to do?

morpheus

it is impossible to sleep without the aid of drugs in a hospital. impossible i say!!

stricken again

i am in the hospital again with a partial small bowel obstruction.
ng tube is in an pumping furiously, probably for two more days. i hate the thing and it has irritated my throat so much i can only speak or swallow with grimacing or scowling.

first step of course is dealing with the inflammation medically. if that doesn't work then it is surgery.........

so nothing exciting going on here anytime soon. sorry.

2 broken bones later. NOT MINE!

The part that really matters, I was 5th place out of 9 in men's sport for the Super D race. There were no age classifications, just gender and skill level. This was my second race in the Sport class, a big step up from beginner in the level people train and how serious they are about racing.

I had been doing all jiu jitsu training and no mountain bike training at all. So I was happy to be mid pack in this race. And especially happy for the help I received in bike set up and riding from some of the pro's and experts I have seen now at a few races. Cool to be hanging out with the real racers rather than lounging aimlessly with the beginners.

The race was at Elfin Forest, a place I had never been before. There was no real forest. But it was 45 minutes from the house rather than 90 minutes or 3 hours like most of my races. The course was not suited to my strong points but I liked it the more I rode it. Rocky, loose and many many downhill switchbacks. I actually ended up racing on platform pedals for the first time ever! I might make the switch permanent. Too bad I just bought XTR cliple$$ pedal$.

If the dam we were parked under broke it would have been pretty exciting! And it was crazy to see $40,000 worth of bikes in the back of the rental truck. Someone broke a leg in the XC race and someone broke an arm and ribs in the Super D race. I fell once at slow speed in the race. I wish I had brought my pads after I saw the rocks.

Wanna race? I say you should start with Robert at Racers and Chasers!!