??

I normally feel like there is something to be learned from almost every experience. Especially the ones that try us. This past week it has not been easy for me to discern what mine should be, but I will still brainstorm so ideas and see what sticks....

I am more fragile than I realize. People think I am tough or fit or active or whatever based on the type of hobbies I do and the level I do them at, but really I don't think I totally fit that role. Those things are a maximum attainment for me, not the norm. Really I guess I am quite weak and fragile. But that type of thinking leads me then to believe I probably have a markedly decreased life expectancy.....

Which leads to the second possible lesson learned from this, that the middle is not where I want to be. If I am happy I want to be joyous and loving it, whatever it is. If I am upset I want to gnaw and gnash and have a red face. To be vivid and vibrant. Personality and emotion. Not tepid, not lukewarm. Never tense, never hesitant. This is not to be confused with manic depression or being bipolar, but just being more animate overall. Less "blah" and more "rrrrawr"!

A greater sense of myself is probably needed. Rather than just blithely going along and reacting to my health, I should self monitor a little more. Be more aware and monitor my diet a little better.

So all these things and one thing I'm keeping private are really the only things that come to mind as lessons learned from this latest week in the hospital.

Hmmm......What to think, but more importantly, what to do?