Goals are good.

Goals are good but a good goal is even better. What is the difference? All good goals share certain characteristics in that they have a time component, are specific, can be reasonably achieved and are measurable. To compare goals I hear stated by competitive shooters they go something like this:

-I want to be better. (A nice sentiment but not really a goal, as all of the good characteristics are missing)
-I want to make A class this year. (There we go, an actual goal. A specific, measurable item in a certain time frame)
-I am going to make A class in 2020 by dry firing 2x a week the drills in S. Anderson's book. (Positive phrasing, an actual plan, sounds reasonable, specific, time component and so on. Great goal)

In years past when I was in college, newly divorced or early in a career I was very good at goal setting. Some years even accomplishing all my goals!! They gave me amazing direction and focus and helped me to not let myself down.

With age and experience I've developed more self discipline and have relied less and less on stated goals, good goals, to help me through a new year. I personally have seen their value but I use them less and less as time has progressed. For 2020 I will be following what are more accurately statements of intent than true goals. But I do so knowingly.

2020 Rowdy Statement of Intents

-Maintain employment in my bird catcher job.
-Attend brazilian jiu jitsu class 3 times a week on average.
-Re-read 12 books I've already read and are in my possession.
-Enter two scale model shows.
-Go visit each of my immediate family members. (A total of 6 trips makes this difficult 1. Parents and youngest sister. 2. Brother. 3. Sister. 4. Kid. 5. Kid. 6. Kid.)

On 11-13 thoughts on Prime Rowdy.

At his best, one would say a Prime Rowdy was able to:
-run a 6.00 minute mile, if not two in a row.
-do 20 pull ups
-calculate radioactive decay formula in his head
-have sex 6 times in 24 hours
-shoot GM classifiers in Production
-climb 5.10d outside
-do 50 pushups at once
-speak Spanish
-know the Arabic alphabet
-hold his breath for 2.00 minutes
-wear a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

The return

For the most part I'm really tired mentally and physically with competitive shooting. Knowing that I spent a few weeks thinking about something to replace it in my life. It needed to be something physical, able to do in the daytime, competitive and doable on a regular basis.

After going through quite a few old and new activities I narrowed it down to rock climbing or brazilian jiu jitsu. I decided on brazilian jiu jitsu.

I went to a few academies and picked one to which I've now been 4 times. I enjoy it but I am very sore and due to my time away am essentially starting from scratch. I last did bjj with any regularity in 2009. The saying about doing something is about riding a bike again, right? Well riding a bike is elemental compared to the intricacies of bjj. Thus I am not just metaphorically hopping on and riding around hahaha.

Right now my biggest deficits are 1.My lack of physical fitness for grappling and 2.My schedule right now with IDPA and USPSA nationals occurring right as I've decided to do this change. Come the second week of November I'll be able to start going to the daytime class 4x a week and then issues one and two will quickly fade.

And I'll still have my weekends and evenings free for other goofing off!

My special MRI

As I understand it, MRI is good for soft tissue and inflammation visualization. There is a special way of doing a MRI of the intestine that takes even more time and preparation than a normal scan, and I had one of them yesterday for the second time in my life.

The first time was very unpleasant, but I was also actively sick at the time. The scan was difficult and the injection I was given to slow the movement of my intestines made it very difficult to resume eating and digesting.

This time the biggest challenge was the total time of it all, an hour there due to driving in the rain and an hour of drinking the prep then an hour for the scan and finally an hour home. Four hours in total, of course of which I was fasting 6 hours prior.

When it came time to finally eat afterward I was able to do so without pain or vomiting as I did after the last scan.

Now it is just time to wait for the results and I'm curious about two things, the enterocutaneous fistula that was in my belly button recently and then the general state of my small bowel, and its thickening and inflammation. Hopefully my private physician gets a chance to look at it today and has good news.

Looking....

Looking at my analytics there are about 20-35 people who read what I post, regularly. With that in mind I think I should take more effort to write posts. Especially more than 2 or 4 times a year. I have plenty of interesting thoughts, experiences and photographs to share that I should probably do here rather than on that dreaded facebook.

I still live in San Antonio TX but don't particularly love the area. My Crohns is doing a low level annoyance but I am reasonably healthy. I still am not working anywhere.

The nationals for Production in USPSA are in a week, in Florida of course. My placing in this match helps determine if I can represent the US in Thailand for the World Shoot in 2020. If I don't get accepted for that then I am going to basically stop shooting competitively. I have invested at least 15 hours a week to it for 7 years and spend about $70,000 on it if I were to do a true accounting. Without this kind of capstone event, the World Shoot, I don't see any reason to continue on at this level of commitment. The matches are fun, but I'll divest myself of a bunch of equipment, stop practicing and shoot maybe one local match a month.

That said, you know me a little and realize I need to do something active and something competitive. I've chosen to return to Brazilian jiu jitsu. I have taken two classes at a new Carlson Gracie academy here in SATX. It has been easily 10 years since I did it regularly and I've decided to just start over at white belt. For good or bad. Sorry Fabio and Andre. But at least I'm back on the mats!

Fear and Loathing

I have Crohn's disease, and have for over 30 years. For the past 8 years I have been taking Humira, every two weeks by injection. And have been mostly in remission because of it.

I have near the border with Mexico for almost 12 years at different times. I worked for years in patient care in those areas. I have traveled to multiple third world countries.

You combine all of those things and I should not have been surprised when a recent quantaferon test came back positive for tuberculosis. Yep, TB. Thankfully I am asymptomatic so I am not contagious.

But......... I can not take Humira with this diagnosis. Humira can make TB activate and disseminate. So the one thing that's kept me from another health nightmare is now removed from my care and treatment. On the way home from the doctor today I probably cried with fear and worry for about 3 minutes.

So now let us see what happens. A good Crohn's medicine is gone for me. The risk of active TB is real. I have to take a new and possibly unpleasant medication for the TB. Risking a flare and all the other nightmarish outcomes that would happen to me if I had to have more bowel removed.

Fearful of the future medically. Fearful of the future economically. Loathing my body and weakness. Loathing new side effects.

Sigh. But now it is back to game face and "doing", rather than worrying. Time will tell....