Like the edge of torn, wet paper

My vision is definitely deteriorating more rapidly than I'd ever imagined. I'm not gonna go blind anytime soon but my loss of visual acuity is severe and hasn't stopped getting worse once it started just 4 years ago. Glasses of course are and have been the answer. That's not what gives me pause though, just the fact my vision hasn't leveled off. Just worse and worse year after year.

Reflect on the pause button for a second. Cassettes, cd, dvd, digital they all have a pause button. An indeterminate time of stoppage but that was user controlled and then you jumped right back in where you left off. So to say life is on pause I think would be a misnomer. I don't feel in control of the time frame and I'm not quite sure where in my own personal song I'm going to be jumping back in. Feels more like shuffle instead.

Career restart and change is tied to the timing and money of both selling this house and moving to a new place. This is not the time to spend 10 grand on career re-entry education. (Radiation Safety if you're wondering. Classes at Oak Ridge) Feeling all Joseph Heller, the house has to be sold and a move made to Texas most likely and then I can go get re-certified and then I can go get a new job. OK, not a catch-22 but more like a Rube Goldburg contraption. The iron has to move the bowling ball has to knock of the domino has to set the mouse trap for this to all work out right.

The timing is very rough. Maybe get the house up for sale in March or April to get the timing right for a family buyer and the school year. Then move to Texas hopefully in May or June. With a job already in place. Then work on my RSO job stuff.

Wow, notice how shooting wasn't mentioned anywhere in there? The ROI of it all is driving me crazy right now. I love doing it, I love the travel, I love the pressure of big matches. (not really into locals, as a "just for fun" thing)But I want more out of it than personal satisfaction and I struggle with making that happen through my sponsorship, videos and writing gigs. IDK....

Gulp. Gag. Word vomit. Spittle. Gasp.