Sleep, perchance to dream.

Or as Bartleby the Scrivener would say, "I would prefer not to.", in regards to my dreaming. I've been officially diagnosed by a Stanford trained sleep specialist with Nightmare Disorder.

As a child I don't think I had any more or less nightmares. It wasn't until the past 10 years that I developed some serious sleep issues, mainly that I can only sleep about 45 minutes before fully awaking. Also the number of nightmares that woke me yelling, panting and frightened really increased. Going to bed was not a pleasant thing for me as I barely slept and would only be in a sleep state that allowed dreaming/nightmares.

You're not supposed to dream within minutes of falling asleep and continue to do so until you wake up. You're not supposed to wake up screaming, sweating and in fear. I do all of these things and without medication do them on about 5 to 6 hours of "sleep" per night.

My nightmares follow two main themes. One is that someone or something I care about is under some sort of attack or is in danger. I am helpless to prevent some sort of eventual tragedy and must witness it fully. Or more commonly I am being persued by monsters, gangsters, criminals**, terrorists, evil ghosts or whatever and I'm giving a super human effort to escape and evade them but then I fail. For any number of reasons. And I am captured, killed, succumb or whatever.

You can see yourself die in your dreams. I've done it numerous times.

Iraq did not give me PTSD, though there may be a small influence.
I don't consume caffiene regularly, if actually only rarely and never in the evening.
I don't have a tv in my bedroom.
I do exercise more than the average person.
I control my light and sound exposure in my bedroom, with very little of either at night.

Thankfully with medication I can sleep a normal night. Nights I decide to skip it are just horrible. Last night was one of those nights. I didn't take my pill and suffered for it.

They say everyone has trouble sleeping or is tired.... but I dare them to take a nap on my pillow.

**To provide some humor, one dream I had recurringly was that an evil, intergalactic criminal named Nightwing and I were battling. Like I was some sort of 50's sci-fi astronaut private eye or something. Strageness I know! And of course he was always hurting my family or killing me or scores of innocent people in my dreams. I almost want to say "our dreams" as he really felt like such a separate individual and we were sharing my dreamed experience.

Well what should I see a few weeks ago when I was in Austin Texas??!! A plaque entitled "Nightwing" and devoted to the bats that live under the bridges of downtown Austin and come out by the thousands each night at sundown. Thankfully it just made me laugh and I got a few pictures. But I did take 1.5 times my normal dosage that night, just in case.