gonna party like it's my birfday.....

Even 50 Cent has got to give me props and sing my praises! Rowdy Rowdy! I was down before he was even born.....

I've been thinking about the celebration of my life, aka my birthday! As I am soo freaking happy being alive this year I feel it should be a blow out. Orginally this was planned as being catered with a taco truck, mobile laser tag, jumpy house and live band. A party in every sense of the word.

But then I changed my mind. Kinda. I think I will still have people over and such but not sure it is going to be such a huge production for my guests. Sorry.

What I have been thinking about though is the gift/s I am going to ask the ever so compassionate, understanding and long suffering Super D for. And it pretty much boils down to the 3 things that drive my life as far as "things" go; guns, motorcycles, cars, jiu jitsu. There are a few other things there of course, but you get the idea.

Since it is just a wish list, and hopefully no one takes it badly, I might just put my b-day list up here as a reference for Tenacious and as a look inside the "want want gimmie gimmie this looks cool" side of my mind.

3" lift for my truck, RevTek or whatever is at Off Road Warehouse
Gibson electric guitar and Marshall amp w/lesson and chord books
Springfield Armory Scout Squad rifle, walnut or black composite stock
Sig Sauer P226 pistol in 9mm
Glock 19 in 9mm
private jiu jitsu lessons
Honda CR150R Expert motorcycle
Ducati 848 in pearl or black
KTM 690 Duke
black Koral superlight gi, A1
shark fishing trip

the Terminator or the Rowdinator?

I can not freaking wait until I am not hooked up to some sort of machine! I feel like a cyborg or something. Not even close to bionic. But like the first terminator I just keep moving forward. I have no other option.... That is the goal I keep crawling towards, no machine hooked to me, no holes in me.

rrrrrrrrraaaaaaawwwwwrrrrrrrrr, don't stop moving (incessant mechanical whirring)

There is more than one world, more than one plane, more than one state of being.

My family is fasting (refraining from eating food for at least two meals) and praying (communicating with their God) for a betterment of my health.

They have faith, a belief system and follow it. They believe that by not eating you put the body in subjection to the spirit. This combined with prayer is an effective way to communicate with God, in a deeper way. To petition him for his blessings.

My family is doing this for me tomorrow, Sunday. If you wish to join in whatever way you wish, I give you my humble thanks.

I can not do this alone and am thankful for all I have received.

'Till we meet again dear friends........

My week in review

Monday was President's Day and K had it off so we thought we'd go to the movie together. About half way through it I started to feel really cold. By the time the movie was out I was shivering uncontrollably. It has been unseasonably cold here in San Diego so I thought it was just that.

A few hours later I had a routine check up with my surgeon to check on the course of the infection that still was unresolved in my surgical wounds. I was obviously ill but when my vitals came back with a pulse of 119, temp of 103.7 and respirations of 20 it was clinically obvious as well that something was wrong with me.

That is when my surgeon told me to lay down as they were going to admit me to the hospital and his MA started packing me in ice and giving me Tylenol. Four hours later I was in a hospital bed and getting ready for my CT scan. Their initial thoughts being I had a fistula, needed to be NPO (nothing by mouth), and be on TPN (the fancy liquid food into my vein) through a PICC line (the iv line from my arm to my heart).

Tuesday morning found me with no food or water. A CT scan where they were sure I had a fistula and then a change of their minds. A test where I drank blue dye to see if it would leak out of my intestines out through my surgical wounds. That didn't happen. And then the idea of a PICC line was shot down as my veins were unsuitable and I would have to get a central line through my jugular vein in my neck!! So Tuesday was a day of no progress and no answers.

Wednesday was more of the same, no food or drink. Just me walking around and watching tv. About 4pm I get a call to my room telling me that Pre-Op is ready for me. Pre-Op?!?!? I'm having an operation?? No one told me that! Guess what, I was. Surgeons "cure" things with a knife and since I had not demonstrated anything medically for why I was sick, why my wounds were still producing pus he was gonna take me to the OR and check it out himself.

The anathesiologist gave me Ketamine, aka Special K, to help calm me down before surgery. It made me vomit on the operating table. I also vomited in recovery too. And the strap they used to hold my face in place for the endotracheal tube gave me a horrible "chin strap" rash. But really, as far as weeks in the hospital and surgery goes this was pretty dang easy for me.

So basically since imaging didn't show anything my surgeon decided he was going to cut out any infected tissue, find any hidden pockets or tracks of infection, wash it all out totally, send tissue to pathology and then put a wound vac (negative pressure wound healing system) on my new surgical wounds to try and get them healed up super quick and in a newly infection free environment.

Thursday they let me jump right back into solid food since I obviously didn't have a hole in my intestine and they couldn't give me the fancy iv food so why not throw some bacon and french toast at me? All day Thursday I felt better than I have in a llllooonnnnggg time. Other than being connected to a machine that is sucking on my abdomen all day, every day until my wound is totally healed.

Friday was fighting "the system" and just trying to efficiently get discharged from the hospital and get all the drugs and home health stuff set up. I've said it before and I'll say it forever, the pharmacy at my HMO is THE most poorly run entity I have ever encountered. They make the Army, DMV and the post office seem like super efficient Asian models of efficiency. Horrible!

How it has all basically shaken out is that I am on a new Crohns disease drug, Humira. It is like Remicade but all human made, no mouse stuff. Sadly it is also a painful shot I have to give myself in my stomach every two weeks. Or at least until it gives me cancer. Hahahaha. So we are attacking my Crohns in a new way after this hospitalization. Secondly we are trying to get my wounds healed up with no infection. I'm on the wound vac, a high protein diet for the next month, tons of vitamin supplements and home nursing care. A nurse comes to my house 3 times a week to take care of me. Sadly I can only shower those days as well to as that is when the dressing and hardware for my wound vac gets changed. And that could take anywhere from two weeks to two months.

I am of course still not out of the woods yet. Things still could turn for the worse, which I was warned about a few times before leaving the hospital. But I feel really good and the past two days have gone well, so I am hoping and praying for the best.

And of course not to let you down, here are some pics!

I could see my house from my hospital room. How sad is that?
The box of supplies I went home with! I had to walk down to the car when I left but it got a ride in a wheelchair.
Banksy came to my room one night.
This is what my wound vac looks like. Well if you are upside down.
Chillen in my room, settling in for who knew how long at the time.

RAWR!!!

I am home from my latest 5 day hospital stay! More info to come later.

Unless you or your "partner" had sex with a dog or a cat or whatever, your pet is not a member of your family. You are not its parent and it is not your child.

You basically have a slave you use for your own emotional pleasure.

People > Animals

Random Rowdy photo bomb

A shark and a laundry machine. This is my life.
Palomar Raceway
Nope, it's not Bavaria, but it is over 5,000 feet. Snow in SD county!
you shouldn't have to wear a parka to ANYTHING in san diego!
pretty good seats
aren't stitches supposed to stay inside you??
sung to the tune of 'big butts' by sir mix a lot, "i like a sushi lunch and i can not lie"

esrever esrever esrever

I am totally living life in reverse. Roughly I think most people's idea of normal life progression would be something like this:

care free teenager-college-good job-married and kids-retired with no job-get old and get sick-the end.

Check it how I do though with my age and live reversing style!

15-hospitalized with life changing illness
20-married with kids
25-divorced/single
26-college freshman
31-starting a new career
35-no job, avoiding housework, watching tv, basically being a teenager

See what I mean. Other than the college to career track I have basically lived life backwards compared to most. Pretty much I have to start taking naps then in a year wearing diapers and the cycle will be complete.

2010/2011

In 2010 I accomplished 9 of my 12 goals. I didn't do a church thing I wanted to, I didn't send a book to someone I said I would and I wasn't able to to 20 pull ups on the rings by my birthday. Other than that I did everything I wanted to.

For 2011 I have already failed on growing my hair out for the whole year. My scalp really was letting me know it did not like longer hair. So massive amounts of dandruff or short hair? I chose short hair.

I also wanted to do 4 IBJJF tournaments, I don't think I will be able to do more than 1. The biggest part of that and another goal was to go to Brazil in July and compete in the International Masters and Seniors Championships in Rio. And win my class. But if it is almost March and I haven't been able to train or roll for 7 months there is no way I can be ready for that level of competition in 3 months of training.

So I'm gonna miss Pans, Mundials, Int M&s, Pro-Gi World trials. I might make the US Open and world no-gi. Or I will have to do some smaller local things.... If I even ever get to go back to a high level of training.......

Those things were really my only new goals for 2011 and in February I already know I won't accomplish them. So now I guess I have to back track to just trying to deal with all my health issues. Though I am not really sure what I can do to really help that other than just wake up every day.

BTW I am still only 125 pounds. 140 feels like a looooooong ways away.

model life in the desert

Cosas

Things I like about today:

I didn't have to wake up to an alarm clock.

My shark hoody.

How my new clothes and haircut from yesterday look on me.

The sugar packing treatment of my wounds is yielding a noticeable change for the better.

Papas y juevos y chorizo burrito for breakfast.

I feel energetic enough to want to do the dishes, the laundry, change the burnt out porch light bulbs and make dinner tonight.

No candy in the house to tempt me as I was the 'snack assassin' and threw them all away yesterday. Not even soda!

I got to do a little bit of weight lifting last night and I don't hurt this morning.

Que cosas are you happy about hoy?

But I would kill someone in front of their own momma for a 10 speed

McDonalds, here is a big middle finger to you for having bathrooms that require a quarter to unlock and use. WTH?

Err and Ignignokt, do your thang!!

"There are worse things awaiting man than death."-Count Dracula

It's a metaphor if you couldn't figure it out.

Has my life devolved to this? Sitting, waiting, wishing? The "you" in this song is not some female I'm pining for, but rather the thing I want most right now, to be healed and whole.

Listen to the song thinking of it metaphorically and shed a tear with me:

The man who loves sugar is saved by it.

I was talking to a friend of mine, another doctor, and he deals quite a bit with non-healing wounds and he asked me how my health was. I filled him in on what was happening and the treatment so far. It was his opinion that my treatment was a little substandard and should be going a different direction.

After I pulled up my shirt and showed him my wounds he said, "You know you should treat that with sugar."

And then I asked, "What? Are you serious? Like sugar sugar? What do you mean?"

"Well I read it a long time ago when I was in med school and working in the library. I was just reading random publications and came across this study. And I've been using it in my practice ever since."

"So what do I do? Won't sugar feed my infection? Will it hurt?"

He then replied. "Take off your dressing, pull out your packing, get some regular table sugar and pour it into your wound. Cover it really well as the sugar will eventually melt and start to seep out. The sugar actually cuts of all the oxygen and its osmotic property draws all the fluid and pus out. And it doesn't hurt so far as I know."

Well then tonight I decided to start doing it! My CT scan this morning was equivocal for the source of my infection. The answer we thought it would give was not there at all. I am interested to know what the surgeon will plan as my course of treatment to deal with this infection. I'm also interested to know what he will think when he goes to look at my wound and its not filled with gauze packing but sugar!

And as you know I am not bashful on this blog I took pictures of the process for your enjoyment or disgust.

My 'wet to dry' gauze dressing
The wounds open with nothing in them
Pour some sugar on me!
Pack it in
The finished product before being covered with a dressing

So here I am, the man whose one weakness or primary food desire is now also his latest medicine. I did a little checking and they also have something called Medihoney that is for the treatment of wounds. Evidently this has been a homeopathic remedy for hundreds of years and is very popular in the veterinary world.

And though I hate this band, was sadly alive when this song came out it is appropriate for the comedic effect.

Local San Diego Man Loses Fight

Actually, I'm losing the fight with an infection at the moment. I hope I do eventually win though.

I have a nosocomial (hospital acquired) infection of some strain from the Enterobacter family. It has been expressing its self through two of my three recent surgical scars. Since the antibiotics aren't working they cut my scars open, to release what was inside them and determine the extent of my infection.

That did not totally clear up the issue. The source of where is is all coming from is unknown. I am getting a CAT scan tomorrow, Sunday, in the morning. Then I meet with the surgeons again Monday afternoon.

It could be them putting in some drain tubes. It could be surgery again, but only on the surface, not into my peritoneal cavity. But if the infection and pus is from really deep inside, then I'll have to be totally cut open again.

So yeah, I'm walking around with these two great gashes in me. Fun times!

You cut me! You really cut me?

My belly plus new scalpel equals 6" x 4" x3/4" thick dressing totally soaked with blood.

Most Evil

I just got home from watching the cartoon movie Tangled. I'd give it a 5/10 overall. It's no little mermaid or beauty and the beast. Definitely not Sleeping Beauty!!

But I'n not here to write about the film overall. What struck in particular was the nature of the antagonist, Mother Gothel. Originally she is portrayed as the typical selfish, loner, beauty obsessed witch.

Once she captures the baby princess and takes her to the tower we are presented with a mother and child dynamic not so easily detected as evil, wrong and horrible.

This is why I think this Gothel character is the most evil of all the Disney female villains. The play on the trust between parent and child, one being innocent and the other not so. The level of subtle deception, manipulation, emotional blackmail and abuse are at such a level I think a young child would have a hard time identifying her immediately as the "bad guy". Even listening to the little children in the theater at the time I went were expressing confusion to their parents on the issue.

Maybe I am a softie, or a romantic in the classical sense, but it hurt me inside to see such and insidiously evil portrayal. She preys on the child in every sense and denigrates her on all levels. It actually caused tears to well in my eyes and my throat to choke up a little bit.

I know it's entertainment and that in the real world there are many shades of gray and it is hardly black and white to whom is a good person and who is not. This character was evil on many levels and I was disappointed her demise was to simply "poof" and disappear after a fall from the tower. I like my evil to be destroyed.

my buddy Jules V.

Happy 183rd birthday man. Oh and thanks for the oldest book in my collection, an 1874 copy of "Tour of the World in 80 Days".

kick'n the new k-nowledge...

Something has changed from being bed ridden basically for 6 months. No way you can guess what it is, unless you have been watching my TV habits. Have you?

I have learned to like watching American football. College and NFL. I will purposely watch it on TV, read some news updates and actually enjoy watching the game.

Now this is something big as of a year ago this was my sum total of football knowledge and experience in my whole life:
Jim Zorn jersey as a kid
Atlanta Falcons helmet around the same time
playing two on two with the neighbor kids
going to two college football games
one broken finger playing flag football once as an adult
I had no idea how many points were for a touchdown even. Knew no players, no rules, no positions.

What originally hooked me was that the games last a long time, so I get my tv viewing value, they were on all the time as it was the season and I needed an outlet for my appreciation for athleticism. Once I started to watch the game just to see the athletic ability of the players I was impressed. And then I started to learn a little bit of the rules and strategy and liked the game even more.

I even bought a tshirt to wear to the local games! (though I also wore it to my first and only time to Disneyland)

So there ya go. A guy who a year ago knew less about football than most 4th graders now enjoys the game. Extreme sports guys can also enjoy traditional sports as well.

Crazy!

Changing my name!!

Everyone seems to think my first name is a nickname or don't take it seriously. So I am going to change it. I was thinking I should change it to something more fitting....

Lando Matt?No..... to Star Warsy. But I do dig the cape.

I got it!! I now know the perfect thing to change my name to and that accurately reflects my life.

Laundro Matt!!!Now I just need one of the too many people I know in law school or just finished to help me with the paperwork.

Melodramatic, so take it with a grain of salt.

There are times when I on the couch for hours, sore all over, sensitive to light, with a low grade fever and battling the infection I got in the hospital and I think to myself,

"is this what it feels like to die?"

You think about people who had some sort of bacterial infection just 50 years ago and they totally died from it. Like the old Oregon Trail game, you get dysentery and then die. And I've had amoebic dysentery that I caught in Iraq, so I know!

While I know I am not dieing, I am just so tired of feeling run down and fighting my health. It's hard to be happy about 'just being alive', when you can't live how you would like. I can't even shower normally!!

My doctor gave me Prozac and I took it for 2 days before I threw the pills away. Now I have 14 days of my fourth antibiotic in as many weeks to try and cure this rarer infection I have. Are they trying to create some new super resistant strain of Enterobactor in me???

Freak!

Things I like today

-Corn Pops cereal

-giving my ostomy supplies to someone with no health insurance

-finally knowing what caused my surgical wound infection

-sunshine

-my family and friends

-my faith

-licorice

Valentines Day

2005- single, worked
2006- a good one
2007- out of state, separated for the whole week
2008- admitted to the hospital that day
2009- in the ER just for the night
2010- in the ER on my way to being admitted
2011- sick and with doctors appointments

So 1.5 Valentines Days out of 7 have been "good". What's the .5 you ask? Well in 2009 I took my valentine to the supercross races at Qualcomm. It was a good time, till later in the evening when it was time to go to the ER 'cause I was sick.

My nutritionist wants me to lessen my sugar consumption and increase my fat intake. Not cool when the two best specialty candy holidays, Valentines and Easter, are coming up.

Sugar! Sugar!

Fetish?

So I went to free museum Tuesday at Balboa Park this morning. Wearing my shark hoody of course. There I am in the museum of natural history and this woman walks up to me and says she is doing a photo documentary of red heads and can she take my picture.

Of course I say yes and she takes like 3 or 4 pictures of me. I then kinda watched her and she was legit. She was hitting up all the red heads for pictures, kids and adults.

And here I thought my modeling career was over..............