Actually, I think I am just mildly depressed. I have normally such an amazing life that it makes the parts that aren't so, well just that much more affecting of my mood.
I just renewed my Nuclear Medicine license. Doing so prompted me to look at jobs in San Diego. Kaiser, Sharp, Scripps, Digi-Rad, staffing companies, sales and I only found one per-diem job that I know, from my contacts who work there that I emailed about the job, is a continually open job posting for them to pick and choose from.
I am sooo blessed to have Super D and her ability to provide. I truly am thankful for that daily. But still.... I don't know how to put my finger on it.
I am not sure if I am wasting a talent, a degree, getting into a rut where I will never be able to work full time because I've forgotten how to, a poor example to J, K and M on what a work ethic should look like.
I have also discovered the term HENRY High Earner Not Rich Yet. Though we fall into that class I can't help but wonder if things would be easier if I made a larger contribution. Well, I know they would be.
Couple that with the fact I am clueless on how to get K and M motivated in achieving anything that remotely resembles consistent completion of homework and thus good grades. FYI- a C is not a good grade. It is barely tolerable.
So here ai am doubting my ability to work, earn wages, use my education, teach and lead who I need to, and at the same time feeling like I am flailing in my hobbies. Feeling bad that I am not as good as I would like to be for all the time and money I put into them. Add in a little bit of unhappiness about physical appearance and you have a pretty good argument for being mildly depressed.
It's not horrible or anything, but just enough on me to make me feel like Eeyore with a little black rain cloud over me.
We all feel like that sometimes. I think its because we expect so much of ourselves and we all fall short of our own expectations. If you could see you through someone else's eyes, the perspective is quite a bit different! Cheer up!
ReplyDeleteI know those feelings all too well. You know, if we all felt happy all the time, where would we find the desire or motivation to change or improve? Rain cloud or not, keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the offer. I will take it into consideration. Interesting post.
ReplyDeleteGet pissed about something then and get some of your power back. Henry Rollins has worked for me. Then look toward something to appreciate. You don't have to be burning the candle at both ends 24x7. Find your happy place.
ReplyDeleteAll is well amigo.