Living is in the way we...

Die. I want my death to be equal to my life. Which means it will both be complicated and one people expected. But I still want a "good" death.

Seriously

I don't want to say it's a problem per se, but the "problem" with sexual harassment is that all men are guilty. Every single one of us has done something in their life that would qualify as sexual harassment.

We're all guilty, every single one of us.

No one expects the Spanish (Arkansas?) Inquisition!

Well now that the move to San Antonio is a sure thing it is a good time to reflect on some Arkansas experiences. I think I'll break them down into two categories, things I expected but never realized and the opposite events or what have you I didn't see coming.

Expectations I had but were never met
-I would become a Hogs football fan. I thought I would but I can't even tell you a single player's name. I was definitely interested in the SEC but just other teams.

-I would attend a big college game. Football is the second religion in the south, behind the Baptists, so I thought I'd attend at least one "service". I never did. I still want to attend a powerhouse SEC game.

-I would have fished or hunted more. Arkansas is a spotsman's spot for sure but I went fishing only like 5 times and hunting never.

-I would have made Grand Master in USPSA. I was never close until this past month, so almost two years later and I still doubt it will happen. Not enough local matches and not enough of them on Saturday.

-I would have more sponsorship. I moved here with some and am leaving with none. Zero sponsorship and no job in the industry.

-I could mimic the accent. Nope. I can hear the difference between an Arkansas accent and other states down here but I can't even come close to doing it properly. When I do a southern accent I'm not sure it reflects any region accurately.

-I would never use y'all. Well it has crept into my vocabulary.

Unexpected Experiences
-I dislike living out in the country. I thought I would love being out on 3 acres away from it all. In fact I find it a pain most times. I can appreciate the beauty and quiet but for day to day life I find it less than ideal.

-The level of tobacco use and alcohol consumption. Higher than expected, much higher.

-Poor road system. Living in the center of the state, in the largest city and yet you still have to drive on two lane road surface streets to get most places in the state.

-Food. I found out I was allergic to okra. I also found out how little fresh fruits and vegetables are part of meals here, either going out to eat or at homes. I put on 5 pounds here and am considerably less fit. Arkansas is just not a place that promotes health.

-Rain. Oh my does it rain here. I can handle the heat and humidity now. But days on end of heavy rain just really wears on me. Nothing is ever dry here.

-Bugs. Not only is the rain biblical here but the bugs are extras from a Jurassic Park movie. I can't think of a single day in the past almost three years I haven't had a bug bite of some sort. I have two tick bites that have never healed. Never, in years. I learned what chiggers are and had over 50 bites from them on my legs. Spiders and mosquitoes and chiggers and ticks and just everything are crazy here.

-Race. I hear people use the N word without flinching. Casual denigration on non-whites. There is still just a divide.


I didn't think I'd be writing this when I moved here as I had hope and faith but now I have to say I understand why CNBC voted Arkansas the worst state to live in recently. I know the joke is normally "Thank God for Mississippi" as they're usually last/worst in most metrics but I couldn't in good conscious advise anyone to move here. (not sure I'd rather live in Mississippi or Louisiana though either! hahaha)

Arkansas, we're breaking up and I'm leavings.It's not me, it's you.

Old pt 27

Another marker to signify I'm "old", I don't believe teenage kids say anything worth listening to about complex problems or social issues.

I wonder...

I wonder what will happen to all the knowledge, data and just "everything" that is currently only found on paper, in dusty almost forgotten archives when paper is truly no more.

Would You?

Seriously. I've heard people say something to the effect of "I'd die for my country/kids/religion" or whatever. OK, so you have something you've stated your wiling to sacrifice your life for, slipping the bonds of this mortal life.

But I want to posit the question to you differently. For the exact same ideal, concept or personage(s) would you live for it/them? Could you instead sacrifice the rest of your life for them, totally, rather than ending it for said subject?

To me that seems much harder.

And the real kicker I'd like to ask someone to answer with all inward searching, soulful truthfulness would you then also kill for it? Killing isn't self defense either. Killing is active, the aggressor.

You might die for it but would you live for it? Kill for it?

Surprised but not really...

I thought my life would be a certain way as a child, in my childlike way. Though maybe not all in the context I thought I would learn these things, I'm still surprised to have learned these things about myself through the years:

-How much blood I can lose before passing out.
-How to stick a needle in my thigh, butt, stomach and shoulder.
-How to push my intestine back through a hole into my body.
-What it feels like to hit the ground, water or another person with enough force to be knocked out.
-How to remove my own sutures and staples.
-Just how far and how long I can walk with 60lbs on my back.
-How many days I can go without solid food, liquids only.
-How to cut my own hair.
-Learning anything about radiation, nuclear physics and other hard sciences.
-How to sky dive.
-That I would travel to countries once considered the enemy during my lifetime.
-That I could stay awake 48 hour without sleep.
-That I would climb the highest mountain in the lower 48.
-That I would win awards for martial arts and shooting competitions.
-That I would work and attend school in foreign countries.
-That I'd have friends in the black world. (I don't mean race)

Life is just crazy. Or at least it has been, as I have no idea how it could be crazier in the future?